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"By all that's pointedly unpleasant, I am sooooo BORED," whined the Queen of Loud Sorrows to nobody in particular. There wasn't anyone to hear it anyway, seeing as she'd eaten the only things with ears in her area just moments before.
She sighed. "I wish I had something to do! anythingANYTHINGANYTHING!" She paused. "Waaiiiiiit. Wasn't there something I was going to do, anyway? I'm sure there was... Oh! Ohohoh! Right!"
She stood up abruptly and posed, pointing into the distance (at nothing in particular). "Spellbinder! I'm coming to get my revenge on you!"
The Sorta Okay I Guess Adventures of
Spellbinder, Mystic Defender
of the Earth Dimension!
#3: Machine Head
Cover: Our Heroine, her head being ground into the pavement by a foot wearing stiletto heels. In the background, people in funny outfits are taking pictures and rubbernecking.
I felt my ears burning, and opened a window. A cool, fresh breeze came into my little cottage in the middle of nowhere, and I felt much better. The little cd player on my nightstand played some music I'd picked for its relaxing tempo.
It'd been a week since I'd won my freedom from the skyfathers, and I'd been cleaning up loose ends and laying low, mostly. I had some things I was planning, but aside from a lunch date with Maddy today, they were just that - plans. Ideas that needed the kinks worked out before I went out in the open with them.
The first thing I wanted to take care of was a laundry list of little things I could do to make Earth a bit more defensible. First I wanted to track down and deal with a couple of items that could make invading the Earth easier. There were some sites I needed to take care of, too - mainly the easy ones. There were a few that would be more difficult, and that I would need help to deal with, but I wasn't ready to deal with those and so I decided I wouldn't, at least not yet.
So instead, I was going to focus on the things I could take care of. The first was my list of known and suspected Phylacteries. I wanted to check with some people to flesh the list out some. The number of items that ought to be considered legendary but never make their way into legend is pretty considerable, when you get down to it. I knew a few people who would have knowledge on this sort of thing, and one was Maddy. She was going to be in counseling this afternoon, tho (I'd managed to find someone who would see her, accept the fact of what it means to be a psychiatrist dealing with Medusa, and accept the gift of a ring that would prevent her from being turned into a lawn decoration), so I'd have to wait a bit to ask her advice on some things. I went back to double-checking my list, in the meantime.
The first item on my to-get list was...
"THE SILVER SKULL!", roared The Queen of Loud Sorrows.
"Machine," added a tall, rail-thin fey at her side. The fellow was dressed in what was likely high fashion in the 1600s and had the demeanor of a snooty butler. "It's 'The Silver Skull Machine'."
The Queen bristled. "I don't like that word. Machines are made out of iron and iron smells bad. Besides," she said, "Most mortals won't even know it's a machine. It was discovered by a delicious bunch of primitives who'd never come up with such awfulawfulawful ideas, may their souls rot somewhere nice. So the accounts of it just list it as-- THE SILVER SKULL!" She posed triumphantly, and the weather helped out by having lightning roar overhead.
The butler sighed. "Please don't encourage her," he muttered into his hand while pinching the bridge of his nose.
The thunder rumbled apologetically.
"So," said the fairy butler of fairy-land, "You wish to use a device of technomantic origin - something that is certainly not the strong point of the Lord of Fey. How do you plan to decipher it?" Almost immediately, he regretted asking.
"Simple!" crowed the Queen. "I'm going to delegate the task of figuring it out to you!"
The butler sighed, and went about his work while the Queen cackled her evil cackle. The lightning roared in harmony with her once more, when it somehow decided the butler wasn't listening anymore.
Medusa answered the door and looked down at me - even by modern standards, she was quite tall. Her face brightened when she saw me. "Chelsea!" She grabbed me and hauled me into the entry of her condo. I looked around a bit; it still amused me that a woman thousands of years old decided to get herself probably the most ultramodern-styled condominium in Manhattan. Or maybe it wasn't; there wasn't a lot about her old life that she was fond of remembering.
"Hey, Maddy," I said, smiling and giving her a friendly hug, which she returned. "How's your afternoon been?"
"Pretty good," she said, smiling. "The counselor was such an understanding lady, and I've found a new book!" She held up a copy of 'Pride and Prejudice'. "At first I thought it was going to be a philosophical discussion of bigotry across social classes, but I was wrong!"
I smiled; Maddy had begun consuming a lot more Earth culture lately. She watched a lot of television, read a lot of books, and was starting to get used to the Internet. She was catching on pretty fast, although she tended to still be fairly awkward. Occasionally I'd get calls from her asking to explain one of those weird things people do these days, like foosball or reality television (she understood why people watched - it was why people would willingly participate that baffled her).
"Good to hear it!," I said, and I meant it. She was finally making steps to adjust to her new life, and already she wasn't nearly as morose as she used to be. I like to think I'd been able to help her by being her friend, even if by just pointing her in the right direction. I'd been trying to help those creatures of magic that wanted to get in good with the new world so that I wouldn't have to bail them out all the time (I'd decided the ones who didn't want to work with the world could keep working against it and get what they got).
Anyway, I won't bore you with all the details. We had Chinese food delivered and did girly stuff for a while before we got down to business. You said most of the guys reading this are... well, guys, so I'll spare you about how we took time to figure out what color to paint each other's nails and stuff.
I started going over my list with her. My first questions were about the Silver Skull.
"The thing is," I said to her, "I don't know where the legend originated from. It's gone all across the Eurasian continent, and the dates are off enough that it could be from anywhere."
She waved. "Not a problem. It's in one of those big islands in the west Pacific," she said offhandedly.
I blinked. "Really? Which one?" She was blanking on the name, so I pulled out an atlas and had her point it out to me.
"Here," she said. "The one called 'Japan'. It's inside the caldera of a very large volcano about here," she said, pointing to Mount Fuji.
That was pretty rich, I thought, but the best was yet to come. Adopting a serious expression, Maddy said, "Now you need to be careful, Chel. The Silver Skull isn't just a magical artifact - it's also a machine! I don't know who made it, but it's a piece of technology older than I am, older by far." She nodded seriously.
I couldn't help laughing at that. A piece of magical Lost Technology in Japan, buried under Fujiyama? No wonder stories like that came up all the time in Japanese Pop Culture.
"Chelsea!", Medusa said in a reprimanding tone. "This is serious! How can you think a machine older than civilization is funny?"
I waved it off. "Maddy, remind me to introduce you to anime sometime."
"CONFOUNDED QUICK-TIME EVENTS!", roared Zeus. He tossed the controller to his game console aside in frustration. He had yet to fully master the art of pushing 'X' in time to not die, and was growing frustrated. He wanted to get to the end of this game, since it turned out he was the main antagonist in it, just to throw the fight so he could see his in-game self mauling the 'hero'. Alas, it would take more time for that.
He looked at the other game consoles and arcade boxes that now lined part of his godly quarters in Olympus, but decided he just wanted to watch a show instead. He loaded up the disc upon which resided the moving-picture tales from the East, and set Fightin' Vixens: Dragon Guardians to playing. He leered as, right after the episode began, an attack from an enemy destroyed the front of the main character's school uniform, offering glorious liberation to the heroine's copious bosom.
"YES!," he thundered. "HAND-DRAWN SMUT IS THE BEST SMUT!"
"That's nice dad, really," said Hermes. "But hey, can I get you to sign off on this?"
Zeus frowned. "Another bill?" He was loving his new hobbies, but by him, they were getting expensive!
The messenger god shook his head, however. "No, father. A slight change I've implemented in the Mystic Defender program, and a notice regarding it for Tezcatlipoca and the other sponsors among the Talocanites."
The Skyfather muttered irritably to himself. The gods who had been worshiped in precolonial Middle-America - most of whom lived in the plane-city of Talocan - were such fierce pains in the ass that he couldn't be bothered to deal with them. He was glad that his son had been taking such a steady hand with this project while he was dealing with more important things. He merely lifted a finger and a little arc of electricity flashed out and engraved his sign upon the message Hermes was holding out.
Hermes smiled. "Thank you, father," he said, keeping his voice serious. "I'll see that this gets taken care of immediately".
Zeus grunted, but before the sound had even finished escaping his mouth, the speedster was gone. Which was fine by him; he hated all these interruptions.
Briefly, he considered the idea of simply putting Hermes in charge of the operation permanently. Then he was once more distracted, and paid the thought no more attention while it settled itself into his mind, half-forgotten.
"Fight on, Guan Yu," said the Lord of Olympus to the animated girl on screen as her more important things bounced about. "Fight for love and justice!"
Just as I'd left Maddy's place to head for Japan, I got a call. Not on an actual phone - it's a magical thing that I'll explain later because it's not really important right now. Trust me on this.
Anyway. I checked to see who it was and changed my course a bit to bring me to where they were, which was just across town, near Central Park. It hadn't gotten out yet that the office had altered in nature, so the call from Miles was almost certainly just him wanting another bailout.
Which I thought was just fine. I took the executive elevator up, and with a considerable amount of effort, I managed to get my expression neutral. If anything, my emotive mask would make the giddiness I was feeling appear cartoonishly overdone if I didn't keep it off my face.
"Hello, Miles," I said with a resigned sigh as I stepped through the elevator doors. "What'd you do this time?"
"I caught another robber!", said the leprechaun indignantly. "Th' blaggart was comin' in, an' I--"
"You turned him into a donkey," I said incredulously. My first hint was that there was a donkey braying over by the window. My second hint was the smell, and so I added, "And now he's pooping everywhere."
"Aye, lass, that he is," Miles said, completely unabashed. "If'n ye could clean that up, too, I'd be most appreciative."
I bet he would.
I looked at the ass in the room. Miles met my gaze unconcernedly. "He wasn't even a robber, was he?," I asked. "Come on, if I believe you this makes six people to try to break into this place. One I could see, maybe, maybe two, but after people go in here to rob you and come out babbling about nightmarish scenarios that they've been run through by an evil leprechaun, people are going to start avoiding this place. Unless they think they're your friends. So who's this guy and why'd you really transform him?"
He was quiet for a moment, and I could see him thinking about what was going on, thinking about why I would ask... and then deciding it didn't matter. "It's jus' Mike, from the bar. We hang out sometimes, we both love baseball, but the man's a Mets fan, an' there's no talkin' 'im straight aboot it." Right. Of course it'd be something like that.
The hilarious thing is, a few weeks ago he'd have been right to not care. I would've had to clean up the mess anyway, and the worst I could give Miles was a stern lecture. The spell on me might have even led to me forgetting the reason for all this to avoid the possibility of questioning my job.
So when he said, "Now, lass, if ye'd be so kind as ta go ahead an' take care of this," I went ahead and said;
"Nah." Then, to elaborate, I said "Y'know, it's funny. For a while I was uncertain about what cops would even charge you with if I didn't clean up your mess for you. So I consulted with an attorney. Apparently there's a fairly new catch-all term for things like this; Acts of Supervillainy. No, really, that's the actual name."
He frowned. He was confused, and starting to get nervous at the somewhat obvious implications of what I was saying. "Aww, c'mon, lass. It's me! Y'remember me, don' ye? Hasn't ol' Miles dealt fair with ye?"
Well. There was a question.
Miles, being three feet tall, looked directly up at my cleavage while I searched his bookshelf, as instructed, for a supposedly dangerous tome. "Oh, I'm sure there's somethin' worth findin' there, lass," he said. "Jus' keep lookin'."
Miles stood there in a huff. "No, I'm not lettin' ye turn th' officer back tae human!" he said irritably. "Not 'till he apologizes for th' short joke!"
Miles sat on the sofa, watching television and eating potato chips while I fought a beast that had come from another dimension seeking revenge for past wrongs. "Ey," he said, while I fought to free myself from the five-armed monster's pin, "once ye'r done there, lass, can ye get me a sammich perhaps? I mean, while yer here an' all."
Miles hid under the table while I desperately tried to stuff a scaled, clawed arm back into a bulky tome from his bookshelf. "Well, I couldn't ask ye tae look through again without actually havin' a dangerous book there, now could I?"
"Now! Don' gimme that look," Miles said irritably, shaking his finger at my explosion-blackened face. "Remember yer PLACE, lassie!"
Miles slapped me on the rear. "Thank ye, sugar-cakes," he said smugly. "Yer a real life-saver, ye are. Dunnoo what I'd do witout' ye. No off wit'cha, I got stuff tae do."
"AUUUUUUUGH", Miles screamed, plummeting towards the street after I'd punched him through the window of his apartment.
I sighed happily as I flew down to catch him, and incantated a spell under my breath. Before we'd come to a stop near the street, Miles had been bound in handcuffs of enchanted material what would keep him from working magic.
A nearby cop looked over and blinked. Even if Miles was still alive, he was still reeling from my punch and from the fall, so when I spoke I was blessedly uninterrupted. "Superhero fight, officer," I said. "This is the guy that--"
"Hey!" He said, and I suddenly recognized him. "That's the guy that turned me into a goat!"
"Yeah, because of a short joke," I said. "He's done this to a lot of other people, too - I'm asking that you bring him up on charges. If you want, I can take care of the guy up in his apartment he turned into a mule now, or you can take some photos for evidence first."
As we worked out the details, I was feeling pretty good.
Somewhere else, a very short time later, Hermes appeared in a dimly lit room alongside another figure, tall and broad of shoulder but somewhat scrawny. The figure smiled; "Well, fellow trickster? How did it go?"
Hermes grinned. "Quite well, Loki. It's gone from 'almost too easy' to 'actually too easy'. I expect that one or two more contrived pesterings from now Zeus will simply turn the whole operation over to me. Athena might raise a stink, but we've got a plan to deal with that just in case."
"Excellent!" crowed Loki, "Soon everything will be set, and I can go down there and really enjoy myself!" He cackled on a bit, spinning in his chair, which hadn't been able to spin until Loki decided to sit on it. Hermes mused on how the trickster of Asgard tended to warp things he touched before saying, "Now, there's only one more thing I need to take care of before we can start making things ready."
"Oh?" asked Loki. "I hear talk from the ravens that one of the Faerie-Lords is growing restless. Does this have anything to do with it?"
Hermes nodded. "Aye, the Queen of Loud Sorrows is about to break through to the Earth realm. If pressed, the Mystic Defender might manage to kill her - she is crafty, and even though she might not realize it, she already has what she needs."
Loki nodded. "But if the battle ends that way, then the fun would end with it. We can't have that. In fact," he said, grinning, "I think I would be perfect for delivering this message."
Hermes nodded. "Well, good. I wouldn't want to hog all the fun, now would I?"
"So good of you to share," said Loki with a laugh. "Now, here's how I'll start..."
Just as I was departing New York, I was interrupted again, this time by a brass owl. No, really.
"Wait!" chirped the owl. I obliged it, mainly because I thought this would probably be interesting; the little creature might as well have had written across it in flashing neon letters, and any message from Athena would probably tell me exactly where I stood in relation to the Olympians.
"Mystic Defender! I come on behalf of Athena to beseech you for aid!"
There was quiet between us for a moment before I said, "Really?"
The owl ruffled it's feathers irritably. "Yes, really! My mistress, Athena Parthenos, is aware of what has happened between you and Olympus, but begs nonetheless that you hear her out!"
"And why isn't Athena asking me personally?"
The owl looked shocked. "What! You know as well as I do what would happen if an Olympian were to make manifest on this world!" And I did know - it'd be bad. For the world. The major Olympian gods were powerful enough entities, and of a just-sufficiently-metaphysical nature, that their mere presence would warp reality around them. Unless they suddenly decided the Earth was useless, they would avoid this - and when they did it, it would likely be a sign that they were declaring war. Not all gods from all pantheons were like this - some were just really powerful and that was the end of it, and some were born of the Earth anyway, and even for the Olympians it hadn't always been like this - the world had changed since they'd been gone. I'd explain more, but it would be long, dry, and not relevant to what's going on. It'll probably come up again, tho, so don't worry.
The good news out of this, anyway, was that this was a sign the Olympians still valued the Earth as it was.
"True," I said. My first bit of bait had found a fish. Let's see what the next one would get. "Although she could just send a vision or something."
The owl shifted uncomfortably. "There... is some sort of barrier around your mind now, which renders entering your dreams... difficult." Oh-ho! I'd wondered if that would happen, and lo and behold, it had. The Chapel of the Mystic Defender had had the Fires and the Code in there, devices used for influencing and controlling my thoughts, and for keeping others from interfering with them. Now that I controlled them... well. I was actually still not sure what all it meant, but the fact that I could keep people out really well was the obvious first thing.
"It's probably because of that thing about eating the temple. With your chest," the owl confirmed, apparently finding the news weird enough to let itself slip like this. It shook its head rapidly and ruffled it's feathers. "I still don't get what's up with that!" it declared indignantly.
I laughed, although really I didn't know either. "Okay, so. The only way Athena can get a message to me is through you. Right, little owl guy, let's hear it."
"Ahoom," the owl said, clearing its throat hootily. "Zeus has become hopelessly addicted to video games and internet porn. He's locked himself in his chambers and hasn't come out in months. Please help us get him back. I'll give you anything. --Athena."
We were both silent for a while. The noise of Manhattan rattled on, drowning out what probably would've otherwise been the clearly audible sound of my mind momentarily failing to process what I'd just heard.
"Is that you, Hermes?" I said, starting to laugh. "Because if that's you, then I gotta say that's really, really well-done."
The owl ruffled it's feathers indignantly again, puffing up its little avian chest. "I am not Hermes! Just because I'm a messenger and all--"
I wasn't able to control my laughter anymore. This was great. This was perfect. The owl was starting to look worried, and that only made my laughter worse. Or better. Whichever.
When I finally got a hold of myself again, and felt the redness receding from my face (I later found out that my mask changes colors as appropriate for that), I managed to say "No".
The owl was shocked. "What! Why not?"
"Because Zeus will want to hurt me for what I've done. He's already ruined my life once, thanks. I think he's just great as a shut-in who doesn't do anything involving mortals."
"Well, there is something called 'online multiplayer'," offered the owl, but I waved him away.
"Nothing harmful and destructive to their real lives. Everyone's better off with the big Z in there, and I'm not gonna be the one to change that. 'Bye now."
I took off and headed west, leaving the owl behind as it screeched urgently, trying to get my attention. I decided I'd take the scenic route to Japan, going around the pacific rim clockwise, just to enjoy the flight. I was on top of the world. I figured nothing could get me down right about now.
A bit later, a brass owl flew into the room where he had met Hermes. "It went perfectly," he said. "That was great fun. It's been so long since I got to trick a mortal."
Hermes nodded understandingly. It's the little things in life that matter, after all. "How long do you figure she'll stay tricked, Loki?"
The owl distended and flowed into the tall, skinny form of Loki once more. "She was absolutely giddy," he said, smiling. "She thinks that she's free and the Olympians are helpless to do anything about it; she's in love with the idea. It will be hard to convince her otherwise. She won't want to believe anything else. Why would she?" He sighed pleasantly, like someone who'd just had a drink of clear, cool water after days of thirst. "I do so love putting a smile on someone's face," he added in a sinister tone.
Hermes nodded, smiling himself. Now that this was done, Chelsea would behave as predicted; at the moment she had no reason not to. Now he just had to hope that the next stage would go as planned. He chuckled and poured drinks for the two of them.
Thrice-Great Hermes raised his goblet in a toast; "To plans that go perfectly," he said.
Loki laughed. "Ha! I'll drink to that." And he did.
It was a cloud-covered mid-afternoon when I reached the Japanese mainland. Fujiyama wasn't hard to find, although I double-checked with a tour guide just to be sure. I speak Japanese well enough (I mentioned before that I'm good with languages, right?) that I was able to convey to him the gist of what I was doing - which amused him as much as it did me. He demanded I bring the device so he could take pictures of me with it after it was all over, and I obliged.
I went flying around the mountain for a bit, looking for disguised entrances - I figured if the entrance were obvious someone would've found it already - and before long I'd found what I was looking for; a bit of rock face that pretended to exist, but wasn't actually real (this is actually different from an illusion, but please don't ask me to explain it). Thankfully it wasn't along one of the climbing paths - that would've led to some awkward falls.
Getting in once I was past the veil of imaginary rock was simple; the thing was wide open, and I could see the remains of the gear that whoever had discovered this place used to pry it open. I just traipsed on in, and then froze.
In front of my eyes, across a large cavern, was a metal skull, no larger than that of a human. It was silver, although not smooth - patterns like those on a circuit board zigzagged all cross its surface in random directions. It looked familiar... but that wasn't the real problem. At least not then, it wasn't.
It was floating in mid-air, at about the height it would be at if it were part of a tall person's skeleton; and indeed such a skeleton was coalescing around it, along with the rest of a body. Someone was already using it, I was too late to stop it (how's my timing, huh?), and worst of all, I could recognize them already. I began chanting a spell furiously, my forearms immediately starting to prickle.
"Hello again, mortal. So good of you to save me the time of finding you," said the Queen of Loud Sorrows, just before hitting me with a bolt of energy strong enough to send me rocketing out the side of the mountain - and not all of that through the actual passage.
Right now, I feel that it's important that I should explain a thing or three about what was going on. So, yeah, sit back while I roll tape on 'phylacteries and you - what you need to know'.
There's certain kinds of beings that either can't exist in our world, or are greatly weakened in it, due to the physical properties we live with. Myrrans, for instance, die immediately when exposed to gravity. Demons can only enter our world when invited - the fancy summoning rituals that idiots are suckered into performing are basically just window dressing on saying 'okay, come on in and do whatever you like'. Iron, meanwhile, creates a sort of interference for the powers of Faeries... which sucks for them, considering that the Earth has a gigantic iron and nickel core large enough to make the whole planet more or less a no-fun zone for them.
Phylacteries are one way around this. By projecting oneself into it - somehow or other, it always works differently - you could manifest inside whatever world it was attuned to safely and at your full power. Now, even in the best of times, locating one of these and figuring out how to get it to work for you was tricky, especially if you didn't have allies on this world to do it for you. They were still enough of a problem, tho, that I'd decided to go after them anyway... I was just wishing I'd done it faster now.
But hey, no problem, right? After all, I'd one-shot KO'ed this fairy the last time. It was a cheap shot, but still and all I should do okay, right?
Yeah. Sure.
Last time I'd fought the Queen of Loud Sorrows, I managed to catch her with her guard down. Her pants and her expectations had also been down; even after I'd made my big announcement of who I am (maybe especially after that), she hadn't been expecting someone who was actually powerful in any useful sense. Certainly not in a way involving the ability to bench-press ten tons. So when I'd put everything into a good solid hit, she wasn't at all ready to take it from me.
Now she was, and in a big way. She was focused on this fight like a cat with a bird covered in catnip, and she was completely prepared. She knew exactly what to expect, both from my sucker-punch and from what the Lord of the Hunt would've told her. My actions had resulted in the death of at least one of his Huntsmen - he would have done anything to prepare her to kill me.
This made all the difference in the world, trust me - fey, and especially Faerie-Lords, are creatures of magic not unlike sorcerers. Like, say, me. Catching them unawares is the difference between having to deal with their magical power and... well, not having to deal with it. There's exceptions, of course. Some sorcerers are able to keep weak protections and empowerments up all the time - I can, and could then too, but back then, I was still too green and stupid to do something so sensible.
In all fairness to me, tho, that ended right after this fight. Because this fight sucked.
After the hit, and being knocked through the side of a mountain (and pinballed down a zig-zagging cave passage), I'd apparently blacked out. When I came to I was sailing over the outskirts of Tokyo, and was still pretty high up. I incanted a healing spell - I don't actually know many of these, since I can only use them with pathworking, which normally makes them counter productive - and then started raising shields and offensive preparations. I had about a minute to do this - the Queen was following me, but either wasn't able to catch up or didn't care to. I could feel some of my ribs just finishing up their knitting process, which told me I'd been in the air a while.
As I was considering how long I'd been airborne, I slammed into the arch support for a bridge, bouncing off but causing it to lurch enough to cause problems for traffic using it. After this I plowed into the top floor of a building. I got to my feet, apologized for the damage to the speechless office drone who stared at me, and then thought again and started shouting at him to evacuate immediately. I'd managed to remember which language to use, and he took off to start getting people out right as the Queen of Loud Sorrows caught up to me.
With a blow from her fist, she knocked me down through the nine floors of the building down to the ground. Getting to my feet again and half-hopping, half-staggering away from the impact spot I had enough time to be surprised that the bottom floor housed a Lenny's before the Queen came down on the pavement next to me in an attempt to stomp on me.
"Ha!," the Queen barked, "Not bad! Maybe you've got a little fight in you yet, Mystic Defender! That's good," she added. "I came here bored, and I don't want you to disappoint me!" She took a rather transparent kick at me, but this time I was ready, leaning to the side and letting her foot, spike heels and all, sail past me.
"I aim to please," I said right before landing a driving kick to her chin.
"Ow!", she objected, staggering back a step. "That wasn't pleasant at ALL! THAT HURT!" as if to punctuate the point she launched a bold of lightning at me; I managed it to divert it into a bit of re-bar that had been pried up from the pavement when I'd hit it, thus saving me from using any real effort to defend myself. Instead I directed my effort to offense, stuffing my limbs full of energy and attacking.
A full extension punch into her solar plexus. "That!" A followup lunging left into the same spot. "Is!" A two-fisted punch into her abdomen. "The!" An axe kick, bringing my heel down on her head. "Exact!" Shoving a fireball into her gut and holding it in place. "POINT!"
The Queen rocketed down the road, and I flew after her. She was at least twice as strong as me, and she had far more power than I did, but she was a clumsy fighter. I, on the other hand, was good at fighting; that was my only advantage here. My hope was that if I pressed my assault hard enough, she wouldn't have an opportunity to do anything but take it, and I could whiddle her down until I--
Until I was knocked back by a blast of raw force. So much for that. I swore under my breath, which was a mistake because that distracted me enough that the Queen was able to suddenly be on top of me again in a blur of motion, using a sloppy but powerful kick to send me careening down another street until I came to a stop against a concrete support for a pedestrian overpass. There went my ribs again.
About five feet from me, a woman wearing cat ears and a pink and white maid dress stared. I ducked to the side as the Queen of Loud Sorrows caught up to me, slamming her fist into the support and sending it toppling, and while I was ducking I started chanting a spell.
The bystander pulled out her cell phone and I heard her taking pictures while backing up. "Hou, choujin faito," she commented. 'Ooo, superhuman fight'. Great, now I had a gawker.
I ducked another shot from the Queen, and then a third, and by then the hard part of the spell was ready; I agitated the clouds, shuffling ions about, called lightning down from the cloudy sky, bolt powerful enough to shatter the nearby windows. The Queen didn't bother to dodge; she was busy looking curiously at the cosplayer, who for her part stumbled back and fell on her rump, but was otherwise unharmed; the easy part of calling the lightning is directing the charge once you've got it, and I'm good enough that not a joule went anywhere but into the Queen, who did me a huge favor by falling to her knee, hissing in pain.
We were starting to draw a crowd now, and I actually recognized where we were from a previous visit and some other things I'd learned; we were in Akihabara, the mecca for Japanese nerddom. That explained why so many of the people gathering to watch (the idiots) were in costume.
The Queen was down, but not out, and I was out of lightning; I'd tapped everything in the maximum radius I could reach out and grab. My mind reeled as I started to realize just how many people were surrounding us or looking out of windows unconcerned, a bunch of fools looking for a bloody damned show!
Something clicked in my head. A bunch of fools looking for a show.
Maddy sighed as she surfed through the channels, scrupulously avoiding the Law and Order channel and the O2 network. "Uhg, so bored. Chel, why isn't there anything good on any of my five hundred channels?"
Maddy giggled at a book she was reading, surprisingly girlish for a four thousand year old killer. "This is great! It's stuff like this that makes me glad to be back on Earth."
Miles spoke of his latest victim. "We both love baseball, but the man's a Mets fan, an' there's no talkin' 'im straight about it."
The brass owl recited, "Zeus has become hopelessly addicted to video games and internet porn. He's locked himself in his chambers and hasn't come out in months." He was dead serious.
The Queen of Loud Sorrows leered at me. "I came here bored, and I don't want you to disappoint me!"
It all came together, just like that. I remembered something I'd once heard from my teacher; "The greatest enemy of an immortal is boredom". Immortals have a tendency to have odd hobbies, and to follow them fanatically.
And here I was, in a place whose defining characteristic was that it offered entertainment to the chronically bored.
I turned to the cosplayer, who was blinking the light out of her eyes. "Listen to me," I said to her, and then again in Japanese so she could understand. "Listen to me. I need you to get every cosplayer and performer around here together. Find everyone you can who can dance." She interrupted me, saying that there was going to be a flash mob in a few minutes. A big professional one. I asked her where, she told me, and I set off, preparing a spell as I went. The Queen got to her feet and followed me. She fired a few blasts at me, and I managed to soak these with my shield - my arms were starting to throb, but I didn't think I'd need to keep this up much longer. For a moment she was distracted by a movie display, but then she got back to chasing me... right into the trap.
The Queen of Loud Sorrows didn't know what was happening anymore, all of a sudden. The tall buildings had been new to her, but not so much as to distract her from her game. They were just brick and stone edifices. But now she was surrounded by pictures that moved and words that flashed and danced. Now there were shiny baubles all around her, some of which danced and spoke. She was pretty sure one of them, shaped like some sort of pink simian, was serving food.
What was all this?
A voice cried out in the language of the locals - she swore they'd been primitive the last time she'd visited, a thousand years ago.
"Everyone!" said the voice, feminine and clear, yet loud as thunder, coming from everywhere at once. "Listen to my song!"
Suddenly there was music, loud, driving, omnipresent. She saw no instruments - it was like a thing alive, hiding while making it's presence known regardless. Would she have recognized any of the instruments anyway? It sounded like nothing she'd heard before! She stopped a moment to listen, and then there was movement.
All around her, bystanders doffed concealing coats and hats, revealing garish outfits and outrageously colored hair underneath, and they began to dance, beautiful, smiling people all around her! There were explosions, popping and sparkling everywhere, there were lights painting images and words in mid-air! The dancers took hold of her, brought her into their center, made her part of the show...
It was alien, incomprehensible.
It was glorious, spectacular.
It was beautiful, enthralling.
It was the most amazing thing that had ever happened to her.
She danced, and she laughed, and couldn't stop. She would never stop. She would spend the rest of her life dancing.
After about three minutes, I finished my spell and let it go. My trap had worked just as I'd hoped it would; I never would've had time for a working like this if it hadn't. With a dull clank that nobody noticed, the Silver Skull Machine fell out of the Queen's form and hit the ground, where I scooped it up with a levitation spell and brought it over to me. The Queen was essentially harmless now, and I had the skull, which I stuffed into storage. Later on I would talk more with the Queen, set her up with some money and some pointers on how to get more, and leave her to her newfound bliss.
To my knowledge, she never hurt anyone ever again. I think she became a celebrity and went through about two dozen marriages.
As for me, I teleported home and put some food in the microwave, turned on some music, and plopped into a La-Z-Boy I'd brought in. On one of the notepads I kept strewn about for such occasions, I wrote down my thoughts on what had happened - I definitely needed to look into using media to tame whatever mystic entities might respond well to having their boredom eased. Most of them came to Earth to find amusement anyway, might as well streamline the process and see if it helps keep people safe.
After this I spent a moment unwinding, after which I reached in to pull out today's winning and took another look at the Skull.
It hadn't occurred to me before, what with the panic about the oncoming beating and all, but I'd seen this sort of technology (or magitech, I guess) before. Items of a lustrous, silvery material, with crisscrossing patterns of darker veins giving the appearance of a complicated circuit-board. I knew it very well, in fact, and I knew what the mere fact an item of this technology being here meant, for the world in general and for me in particular.
I dropped the skull as my hands began to shake.
Another time, another place. I was sixteen and battered from the day's lessons and I was watching the others continue fighting. My teacher, an impossibly tall woman with the looks of a Disney princess and a soul that would make a devil piss itself in terror, strode up beside me. "Dear Chelsea," she said, "Why do you not join the others? Practice time may be over, but the evening is still young."
"I don't want to fight if I don't have to, Nanny," I said. I'd become a pretty honest young lady after the beatings had started. "I don't get why the others do. They're too tired to learn anything anymore. They're just going to have a harder time tomorrow because of it."
"Well, listen to you," said Nanny Hope, smiling. "You almost sound like you think you know what's going on." I began to sweat suddenly, wondering if she was angry with me - when she sat down next to me and I didn't experience any sudden agony, I decided she wasn't and exhaled.
"You're immortal now, Chelsea," she said, "Or at least, we think you are. You'll find before long that the greatest enemy of the immortal is boredom. Like the rest of us, you will one day develop a pastime or two to deal with it, but it'll always be there, lurking in the shadows, waiting for you.
She pointed out to where the other students were apparently trying their level-headed best to kill each other. "They fight because there's nothing else to do tonight, what with the drink-halls being closed and the arena being repaired. Some day, you will too. But you're at the top of the class tonight, so it doesn't have to be today."
Nanny had been raising me for a few months at this point, and would be doing so for a while yet. I'm honestly not sure how long I was in her care, but there were rare moments like this when she almost seemed like an actual mother figure to me.
Almost. "Now, rest up, sweetie," she said, her malevolent little smile crawling onto her lips. "Tomorrow all the others get a crack at you together, and they'll get to use neuro-whips."
I shivered at the prospect of facing the students with what amounted to lashes coated in liquid torture, and Nanny smiled a bit wider. For about the millionth time so far, I considered escape, but I looked at her beaming countenance and saw her pretty princess crown, a gift from the Dark Lord Himself. What I knew about that filled me with enough trepidation to squelch any thoughts of trying to get away on her watch.
Not that it looked like much. It was just a pretty tiara of silver, with odd little patterns crisscrossing it, kind of like those on a circuit-board.
Elsewhere, now.
In a tall palace in Talocan, Tezcatlipoca read a message and swore. The parchment incinerated in his hand, and he furiously tossed the ashes aside. He was most displeased; the bastard Hermes was changing the game on him, and he wasn't going to be able to count on the Mystic Defender's protection to hide his projects from the light of day.
He had to do something about this. Maybe he could...
Tezcatlipoca chuckled. Oh yes, that might work. He got to fleshing out his plan immediately.