StarFall Comics
Proudly Presents:
The Spectacular Adventures of
Spellbinder, Mystic Defender
of the Earth Dimension!
#1: Take this Job and Shove It
Cover: A full-figured woman in flowing white robes, a hooded cloak, and a full-face mask that still manages to show her displeasure through it, giving the finger to a bunch of godly types.
I used to hate my job. I worked long hours, was paid zilch, had no housing to speak of, and ate bad food. I had no insurance, although that's a non-issue for reasons I'll get into later.
Pretty much the only job perk was a spiffy magic cloak. It was basically enchanted to make people look at it and think, 'hey, what a neat cloak'.
Seriously.
I mean, come on. 'Mystic Defender of the Earth Dimension'. Sounds great, right? There's a lot of space to cover there (although less than you might think - the way magic works, 'The Earth Dimension' doesn't include everything in the whole physical universe Earth happens to inhabit, and does include a lot of things that aren't). Lots of stuff to do! Lots of weird happenings, lots of dashing high-powered magical daring-do, maybe some dreamy space hunks. Lots of, y'know, adventures! And stuff.
Which is why, after fighting so hard for the title, I was rather depressed that I basically wound up babysitting a bunch of ancient monsters.
A fairly recent example. Maddy was having one of her days again. Really, the things that set her off are just un-frikkin-believable. But I guess that's par for the course when you've got issues older than civilization.
Medusa was enjoying her new life on Earth. Really, she was. Her new identity as Maddy Seuss was leading an enchanted life, having sold a few old items from Greek antiquity for enough money to finance a comfortable lifestyle in a large city. She attended protests and rallies and support groups, and she was getting a lot of really good help getting over her past issues with the opposite gender. She was just having to learn some boundaries, that's all.
For instance, she really shouldn't have been watching Law and Order SVU. Considering that the entire premise of the show centers around sexual abuse, mainly of women by men, it was bound to set her off sooner or later.
Staring aghast at the images on the television, Medusa began to tremble as an ancient rage once more made itself known.
MEN. THOSE DAMNED MEN.
Now, when Maddy gets like this, she has a sort of pattern she follows. I'd only been on the job for about a year at that point, but I'd gotten to know it pretty quick, because it's big, it's obvious, and it happens way too often. First she does what any ancient monster would do when they're irritable; she goes on a deadly rampage in the nearest major metropolis.
Since New York City is her current stomping grounds, that's the ground she prefers to stomp.
The car's exterior suddenly turned to stone, but that didn't stop it from moving. Stone wheels grating on pavement, the SUV lurched first to the side, and then rolled over, continuing its rotation before slamming rear-first into a parked van. The interior of the vehicle was untransformed, and the sole occupant's life was saved by air bags that managed to deploy successfully, but it was only a matter of time before the man inside died from lack of air - what had previously been rubber gaskets sealing metal and glass was now simply a stone casket.
"MEN!" screamed Medusa, although nobody understood her because she was speaking a form of Greek that had been dead on Earth for over two millennia. "All those damned MEN!" A set of power lines went down, dropping stone fragments across the road as traffic began to grind to a halt and people began to flee the ancient monster before them. A post office box was uprooted and thrown after them, landing and rolling along in a lopsided gait, just to make sure the point got across that the woman with the mane of snakes was unhappy.
Now by this point in the usual program, Maddy's just kind of lost in her own little never-never land, probably reliving the bad old days of That Asshole, Poseidon, That Bitch, Athena, and That Jerk, Perseus. I'm not really a therapist or anything, I don't know how this stuff works. Well, I didn't then anyway. But we'll get there eventually.
The good news is that when she's in a state, it's easy to get her to go on a villainous rant. Yes, people really do that outside of fiction! And it's just as useful as it is to the fictional heroes.
"Maddy, Maddy, Maddy" chided a voice gently from on high. Medusa looked up to see the fluttering robe and hood of white and blue, as the woman known as Spellbinder descended to the ground near her. A thrown car was caught in a field of visible magic and set aside. "Tsk," tsk'd the figure in the robe and mask. "Another rampage. You really need to cut it out, Maddy."
"Bah! You'll never stop me, meddling wizard! I am Medusa, the guardian! My fists are forceful and far-roaming! You're just a hedge-mage, working for the world of MEN, upholding THEIR laws, treading upon THEIR vict--"
Spellbinder snapped her fingers. There was silence for a brief moment, and then Medusa blinked once, twice, then dropped the telephone pole she was holding. She sighed. "I was doing it again, wasn't I?" Her monstrous visage quickly faded, and the snakes sprouting from her head went limp, becoming long brunette hair once more.
"Yeah," said the floating wizard as she de-stoned the petrified SUV and rolled it over with casual ease, displaying strength well beyond human. She popped open the passenger side door to let the occupant breathe and clamber out. "Now, let's try this again. Hi, Maddy. Let's go get a quick drink, alright?"
So here I was, defending the free world by listening to a three thousand year old gorgon - who was actually quite lovely by the way - go on about her old troubles while quaffing some Bailey's (she loves chocolate). In all fairness, she had been through some pretty awful stuff - that tended to happen to people who got involved with the gods back in the bad old days - but on the other hand she's had millennia to get over it. Back then I couldn't hold it against her tho.
"Maddy," I said. "Maddy, you can't keep doing this."
The ancient horror sitting across from me shrunk into herself self-consciously. "I know," she said. "I was just going through the channels on the television of cable, and then..." She sighed. She either didn't remember her 'episodes' or didn't want to. Either way it was probably about the same, really.
I looked at my watch; half past three. "Hm. Maddy, can you do something for me?" She nodded. "Avoid channel 38 like it bore the plague and threatened to infect you."
She frowned in confusion, perhaps wondering if the plague would even work on her, what with not being human and all. "Why? What's on that channel?"
"Law and Order reruns practically 24/7," I said. "The show's basically built to produce moral outrage, these days. And since moral outrage is what makes you go off, you should probably avoid it. As much as I like hitting cafes with you, I'd rather it not be under the circumstances that it usually is, y'know?"
She nodded resignedly. "Yeah, I guess you're right." She had another gulp from her glass of Bailey's. "Hey, thanks for this, you know? I don't want to hurt anyone, and it's nice to know there's a good woman out there who understands my problems." That wasn't entirely true; while my life hadn't been a walk in the park, it had been a rather different sort of supernatural awfulness than her own. At least, after high school it had. But I sympathized and commiserated with her, and I think that was the important part. Well, that and I'm a girl. She distrusted men even when she wasn't crazy.
We talked for a while more before I cleaned up the wreckage and left to take care of other business. Across town - New York was one of the big magical hotspots ever since the quake - there'd been a break-in at a penthouse owned by a Leprechaun, who had turned his assailant into a newt.
Standing in the executive elevator and listening to the tasteful elevator music there, I allowed myself a deep, heavy sigh. The Leprechaun had apparently taken the bother to learn a spell that would turn people into amphibians, but not another that would turn them back. Lots of ancient, sorcerously inclined creatures had this annoying tendency to view transmogrification as a do-it-all problem solver. This was becoming an increasingly common problem, and at that point I was already starting to get the sneaking suspicion that it wasn't ever going to end.
After all, why learn to clean up your own messes when you can just get Spellbinder, Mystic Defender of the Earth Dimension to do it for you? Yeah. Right.
Y'know, now that I think about it, I haven't really introduced myself yet, have I?
My name's Chelsea (family name's not important) but when I put on the cloak and mask I'm Spellbinder, Mystic Yadda Yadda Yadda. I'm so tired of repeating the title now. Back then I actually thought it meant something.
Stepping out of the elevator I walked forward; there was the leprechaun, part of a crime scene investigation team, a beat cop, and a newt in a plastic case. One of the investigators had taken the newt to a poorly lit portion of the entryway and was shining a flashlight on it like he expected something significant to happen if he kept it up. I ignored him and instead walked up to the chief investigator. "Hello," I said, "I'm Spellbinder, Mystic Defender of the Earth Dimension. I'm here to clean this up for Miles." The leprechaun nodded; Miles wasn't actually his name, but he adopted it because most people these days couldn't deal with his actual name, a sentence-long sprawl of ancient proto-Gaelic that was spelled like Klingon and pronounced like cooing and laughter. Honestly, I couldn't handle it either, and I've got quite a knack for language, which is helpful in becoming good with magic in a multitude of ways.
Neither of them seemed impressed with the title. The Investigator muttered irritably to himself about 'supers', and Miles just got a smug look on his face, like my being here was a get out of jail free card. The title really didn't mean anything back then. At least, nothing good. At the time I was still wondering about it. Well, no, that's not quite accurate. I knew why but refused to acknowledge it.
More on that later.
"Shining a flashlight in the dark won't fix him," I said to the investigator holding the newt's case. "Here, hand him over."
After a bit of cajoling, he obliged and I popped the top off the case and let the newt out. Tracing patterns and chanting under my breath, I invoked the power that would remedy this little problem. "By the Law of Valcaan, Obeyed to the Letter; 'Es turned into a Newt, Now Make Him Get Better!"
There's two things about being turned into amphibians by magic. First, the person will always show up naked. I'd already pulled a baggy gray robe out of storage for him to wear; I keep several on hand for just such occasions, since they turn up at an annoyingly high rate. Everyone seems to think that just because you can turn someone into a frog, or a tree, or a statue, that it must be a good idea.
Second, the person almost always reacts the same way.
"AAAAHHHHHH!", screamed the formerly armed robber. He was quite emphatic in his dismay. "YOU TURNED ME INTO A NEWT! YOU TURNED ME INTO A--"
I snapped my fingers and he calmed down. Dispel Spazz was at the time hands-down the most useful spell in my repertoire. I'm still pretty proud of it - it's one I developed myself. "You're not a newt anymore. But I believe you are under arrest. Officer?" The policeman nodded and began reading the man his rights. He still had to look up the new ones that had to be brought into existence after superpersons began showing up after the reality quake. He'd probably been on the force long enough that having to put them in there still jarred him every time after getting used to the old set.
Anyway, my being there was a get out of jail free card for Miles. I turned the newt back into a robber, who had been armed before but was naked now. I pulled out a robe for him to wear - I still keep several in my own private nowhere just for such occasions - and the police arrested him. The law currently was that since the robber was now once more completely unharmed, Miles got off without charges of his own.
I'm honestly not sure what he would've been charged with if nobody could've detransmuted the robber.
Anyway. After the police left, Miles slapped me on the rear. "Thank ye, sugar-cakes," he said smugly. "Yer a real life-saver, ye are. Dunnoo what I'd do witout' ye. No off wit'cha, I got stuff tae do." I fought down the urge to punch him right out the window; beating up the ancient faerie trickster for being a jerk wasn't part of the job description. It so needed to be in the job description, but it wasn't.
Sometimes I really hated my job.
After the arcane happenings for the day had started to die down, I headed back home. 'Home' for me was a shack in the middle of nowhere, on a mountain trail that had been out of use long enough for trees to grow up in its path. Flying was pretty much the only way to get it; this was fine because I loved and still love to fly. You would too. Trust me, it's great.
Fun fact; nearly a third of the Continental United States is owned by the federal government. Another fun fact; there's no way in hell they can keep track of that much land, especially in the more treacherous high altitude forests. Finding an old stone cottage that was in good repair and setting up home in it was no problem for me. It was a cozy little place to live, even if it had absolutely none of the amenities that I enjoyed. Magic could help me fake most of those, and some of the others weren't even needed anymore.
I put some logs in the fireplace and focused my mighty willpower on them until they ignited. I love saying 'mighty willpower'. You should try it yourself sometime. I didn't need the fire for warmth - a few years back I'd had a family gathering that had changed me forever, and one of the changes was that I was comfortable in pretty much any natural earthly environment, from Death Valley to Antarctica. While I'm aware that the event I'm kind of talking around here is pretty much my origin story (check it out guys, I've got an origin story!), you'll have to forgive me for not talking more about it right now. Because it sucked and I'd rather talk about anything else.
Ahem. The fire was useful for cooking, tho, and light, and moreover it was pleasant to have. Between that and the miles of forest around the house, it was peaceful enough here that I could come and forget about how much the life I'd chosen for myself sucked. Because I hated my job.
Taking off what I half jokingly called my superhero outfit - mask, cloak, blouse, gloves, boots and tights - I looked at myself in the mirror I kept over the cabin's only sink. I've been told I'm pretty, although back then I either doubted the fact or was pretending to be modest about it. I'm not sure which. High cheeks, delicate chin, mouth built for smiling (although I wasn't doing much of that back then), brown hair and eyes and oh yeah, freckles. For some reason. I'm really not sure what side of my convoluted family tree I get that from, but they're there. Still the same old Chelsea. Which is good; the lack of jagged protrusions of bone meant for sure that my demon acne was under control now.
Yeah, demon acne. Hazard of the job, you know.
I looked at the mask that was part of my outfit. It looked like plain white porcelain, a smooth, lovely woman's face. When the mask was worn, it had an interesting property; it mimicked the facial expression of the wearer. This made it possible to conceal your identity without concealing your emotions, which made negotiations easier. In theory, anyway. It wasn't a part of the office, not officially, but I figured in this day and age it should be. The way I'd imagined the office, I was basically a superhero now, and if I ever got a real life, I didn't want to endanger it by having my enemies go after friends and so on because they recognize me from the last battle. Not that I had any enemies yet, either. All I ever did was fix problems and deal with bureaucrats; really I'd probably be faceless with or without the mask. That, I was learning, was the nature of the job.
My job.
My important incredible spectacular magical job. Just like my incredible spectacular magical life. Really.
I sighed and stuffed my super-duds into the pocket dimension I carry around inside me. I hated my job, and I hated my life. The job wasn't nearly what I'd signed up for, and the worst bit was that I'd originally gotten on board specifically to change my life into something I could like. But it hadn't worked; I wasn't suffering, currently, but I was plenty miserable.
I didn't know it then, but that was about to change. Unaware of the momentous events on the horizon, I slipped into some jammies and hit the sack.
Several months ago, Zeus was pleased.
"I am pleased," he said, just to prove it to those around him. "This bunch is quite promising. And there's so many of them! How did we get so many recruits this time? When Earth first reopened to us, we barely had anyone to pick from."
"Well," said the goat-horned man in the lab coat, "the first thing is that people on Earth have had time to get used to the idea that magic is real now. I think all the men in tights flying around has helped us there." Zeus nodded. He had done battle with some of the men in tights; they could be quite formidable. The women too, unfortunately.
"The other thing," said the goat-horned man, "Is the existence of a nonspatial library on Earth."
Zeus frowned. "Explain,"he demanded impatiently.
A somewhat amorphous blob-creature, also in a lab coat, chimed in. "They call it 'the internet'. The simplest way to explain it would be... imagine a library. Where it is isn't important. What's important is that anyone with the right kind of book can read anything from that library, no matter where they are. They can also write anything into the library, again no matter where they are."
Zeus hummed. "That's very interesting. I take it someone decided to write a book of magic into the library?" The goat-horned man nodded; the blob might have as well, but it it would be difficult to tell. "I guess that explains the dozens of low-level recruits." Another nod.
"Well, no matter. We also got three excellent candidates out of this crop." The skyfather of Olympus smiled lecherously. "And one of them has quite the body."
"Yes, millord," said the goat-horned man. "Subject 'Chelsea'. That one's actually caught our attention as well. She has odd pattern imprints on her aura."
The blob took a moment to be surprised. "Oh, that's the one he was talking about?"
Ignoring him (her? It?), the goat-horned man continued. "She originated from Earth, but we believe she's spent the last several years in Realm Nine."
Zeus frowned. Realm Nine was one of the divine realms of the Earth Dimension. Like Olympus and Asgard, it was populated of beings of immense power and, at least in some corners, few scruples. It also had its share of do-gooders, which the Olympians actually tended to get more trouble from. It had never been directly connected to Earth itself prior to the recent Quake, however. He couldn't know what this portended; he made a note to confer with Athena as soon as she was on speaking terms with him again.
The skyfather gestured to the brown-haired girl who was currently going through a spell drill. "Keep her under observation, then. This turn of events might explain her quirks." She'd shown a few abilities not typical to mortals; rapid healing, great strength, resistance to injury. She also had access to a sub-dimension all her own, apparently. Zeus would never admit it, but he was stumped by that one. If she was an agent of Realm Nine however... they were known to be clever in creating such wonders. What's more...
"If she's from Realm Nine, she might be here to ruin the Mystic Defender project. That would cause everyone a lot of headaches." The god was nearly scowling now; to the gods and monsters of old, the Mystic Defender project was very important. Not in the way that the Defender candidates thought, of course, but important nonetheless. "I will have to confer with others to create means to keep her from doing anything dangerous."
The goat-horned man simply nodded. "As you say, lord Zeus."
"One more thing," added the god. "This... 'internet'. Does it have erotic literature in it?"
The blob sighed resignedly, bubbling as it did so. It was probably going to fall to him to find out how to get an internet connection on Olympus.
When I woke up - still in my jammies, mind you - I was in a forest clearing in a world lit only by a very large, very bright moon. There were stars overhead, but they only barely made their presence known, as if hiding from something. All around me were strange beings, large and small, flying and landbound, but all of them distinctly dark and fey in appearance. I realized quickly that I was surrounded by faeries.
"Why am I surrounded by faeries?" I asked, sitting up cautiously.
"Because," said one of the figures near me, "You are in a faerie court."
"Wow," I said sarcastically, "That makes total perfect sense. Okay, next question; why am I in a faerie court?"
"You are brought here for a reason," said a tall figure on a throne of bones and twigs. I looked at her, and the sensation I'd been feeling since I woke up intensified. Sure enough, I knew, I was in the realm of Faerie. Not a good place to be.
I should take a moment here to say a thing or three about magic.
All humans, with only a few exceptions, have the capacity to perceive magic in a very limited way. You could say they're sensitive to it, without really being able to fully see it like they can, say, the pages of a book. Humans have the ability to just sort of feel, in their gut, that something is off in the world around them - this can alert them to the presence of magic. This is also why the realm of Faerie was always to terrifying to people in the days of yore; the place is so thick with magic, so 'wrong' by the standards of the mortal world, that ordinary humans would usually become vertiginous once inside its folds.
The other reason that Faerie was terrifying, of course, was that it was populated by the Fey, who were... well, terrifying. The fey were, almost to a one, users of magic with mindsets so alien by human standards that 'insane' didn't begin to describe it. They basically fell into two camps; the Unseelie, who killed and tortured people deliberately for their own amusement, and the Seelie, who killed and tortured people inadvertently while thinking they were being nice to them.
"I am the Queen of Loud Sorrows!" said the figure on the throne. "A lady of the Unseelie!" I relaxed a bit, relieved; I was with the honest ones. At least I knew what to expect now. "You will be harrowed and tested!"
"Okay, great. Why?"
The Queen of Loud Sorrows stood up on the seat of her throne with a flourish. "We must see if you are the one... who will fulfill the prophecy!" There was a great murmuring from the assembled inhuman magic creatures.
"A prophecy? Really?" I was interested now. Prophecies tend to be interesting.
"Yes!" she said, posing again. "A prophecy!"
"Okay, right. A prophecy. About what?"
"Dark times of... trouble... and..."
I sighed. "You don't have a prophecy, do you."
She was quiet for a bit. Then she said "Oh... oh you... you shut up! Of course we don't have a prophecy. It just sounds more dramatic, more majestic than 'Hey, let's crack the mortal open and see what makes her tick'." She crossed her arms in front of her chest in a huff, pouting. "There. Happy?"
"Kind of disappointed, actually," I replied. "But I think you will be, too. For you see, it is no mere mortal that you are dealing with, now!" A dramatic wind rising to lift my proverbial sails, I stood dramatically as my super-outfit came out of nowhere and wrapped itself around me (man, I love this trick), finishing with a flourish of my cloak that sent it fluttering majestically.
"I am Spellbinder, Mystic Defender of the Earth Realm!"
The assemblage of fey was quiet for a moment. I started to encourage myself to think that they were impressed, or maybe afraid, realizing that they'd bitten off more than they could chew; a powerful sorceress of high office was before them!
And then they all started to laugh. Hard. "'Ware, friends! The Mystic Janitor of the Earth Realm challenges us!" crowed one.
"Yes!" cried another, cackling through the head cradled in its left arm. "Better watch out, or she'll change our diapers for us!"
The expressive magic mask I wore did nothing to conceal my dismay at this turn of events. Hey, c'mon. I was a superhero, right? (Wrong.) Why were they laughing at me?
As the laughter began to slowly subside, the Queen stepped down off her throne like she was strutting down an invisible set of stairs. "My my my. You look so confused, dear Defender. You just can't imagine why we're all laughing at you, can you? Mmm?" She didn't need a word out of me to confirm it, so she didn't wait for one. "I'll tell you! A little secret for you, because, after all, the truth hurts." She smiled a vast, wide inhuman smile. "And I do so love hurting people."
In a chamber outside of space, a brown-haired girl stood before a council of gods. The only one she recognized by sight was Zeus, although she knew enough lore to also know that one of the figures was either Odin or someone who'd inherited his birds, and another was probably Indra. The chamber was in the Astral Plane however, and so no matter the physical manifestations before her, she could also see their essence; they were all ancient and powerful beyond imagining, far older than even the myths that spoke of them.
She was awed.
"Congratulations, Chelsea," spoke Zeus, who was apparently the head of the project. "You have persevered and overcome many obstacles, proving your worth to defend the Earth Dimension. Now, to finally take up the mantle of Mystic Defender, you must swear the oath!"
"Do you, Chelsea, swear to protect the mortals of the nations of Earth from the dangers of magic, to shield them from the perils of ancient monsters, to foster understanding between the two, and to uphold the justice of the gods?"
"That's about how the oath went, yes?" asked the Queen of Loud Sorrows rhetorically. "And you never thought about what it meant, did you? You never thought that you'd be 'defending' the mortals of Earth? That 'protecting' them from magic would mainly be keeping them from poking their noses where they didn't belong? That 'shielding' them from 'ancient monsters'" - here she laughed, knowing that she was included in this heading - "would mean keeping them from picking a fight with them? It's never occurred to you that slaves are always 'safe' as long as their masters are happy, hm? You were just so eager to start your new life, or assume your new power, or whatever it was you thought you were doing! You just said--"
"I do," swore the girl with the brown hair.
She was so giddy with excitement that she didn't notice that Zeus' smile as she accepted the oath wasn't what she expected. Looking back on it later, she would know the smile for what it had been; the smile of a man who'd just pulled off a great prank.
"Good," said Zeus. "Very good. I, or another member of the Council, will see you back here in three months, and every three months after, to check on how your mission is going and whether you need... help."
"And his 'help'?" asked the Queen of Loud Sorrows. "What did he give you when you went back after your first assignment?"
I was suddenly horrified at a realization; "I... don't know." My mind was racing, but I could almost feel it avoiding the one salient fact I was digging for, like when you're trying to remember the answer to a question you know you knew just a second ago, but the sensation was keener, had a realer presence, which probably meant--
"A spell," said the Queen of Loud Sorrows. "Bra-vo, little mageling. You were a fool to not notice it being placed on you, but you were almost skilled enough to detect it once I'd pointed it out."
She reached into my head and plucked out a little swirling mass of light; from the sigils dancing gaily in its core, I could tell what it was. "A spell of ignorance. A spell to keep me from thinking about it." But the spell wasn't there anymore. And so I did.
As though a dam had finally surrendered to a relentless flood, the truth came spilling out and inundated my mind. I was dimly aware of my limbs feeling chilled as I realized the truth of the position I'd been placed in.
For the last year I'd been a sort of mystic janitor. I existed to allow the magical beings of other dimensions live it up on Earth with impunity - they can do nearly anything they like, with no reprisal, no punishment, no interference from the law, because I am there to smooth things over, and I am there to fix the problems they cause with their childishness and their recklessness. When they're ignorant of the law, I step in and allow them to remain ignorant. When they callously harm someone - as long as they don't leave them dead or mutilated beyond a mage's ability to repair - I can step in and fix it. No harm no foul, right?
So terribly deluded had I been that I'd thought myself a hero. Zeus and the other gods had seen to it. They'd influenced our thinking during the selection process and the training - I could see the tracks they left in my mind now.
My beliefs had been exactly one hundred and eighty degrees backwards on what my job had done. I wasn't protecting reality from the beings of magic; I was protecting the beings of magic from reality. In reality, if you turn people into newts and destroy property by turning it to stone, there's consequences to your actions! You pay for the damage you did, or you fix it, or both. But not when I'm around, oh no! Not when you can rely on Spellbinder, Mystic Defender of the Earth Dimension. Then you just get a firm lecture (and come ON, who doesn't just turn their ears off when listening to a firm lecture?) and then you go back to your literally charmed life.
The realization made my physically ill. I fell to my knees; if I'd had a chance to eat breakfast before coming here, I would've been sick inside my mask. More importantly came the anger, and the determination to make sure that this didn't go on this way. I was going to take my life back, by force if need by. I would make it what I wanted it to be. Starting now.
I looked at the Queen of Loud Sorrows; she was now leaning low over me, that vast, smug grin of hers still firmly in place. She thought she'd won. Well. That wouldn't do.
Since I was on my haunches and she was leaning over me, and since she thought she'd left me broken instead of filled with a new resolve, I had an opening. Before I'd learned magic, I'd learned to fight. My teachers had had a sink-or-swim attitude to learning combat, and so as a result I'd learned to be tricky, and I knew a perfect setup when I saw it. Only one more thing would make her a better target.
"Thank you," I said. I was very sincere; not a common thing from me.
Rolling back and bringing my feet up, I lashed out at the Queen's thoughtfully presented chin with both heels, hitting her hard enough to send her sailing back over her throne.
I stood up. The crowd was silent again, and this time, they were awed.
"Now," I said. "Grateful as I am, I'm leaving."
"No," said a figure from among the trees. He stepped out, and I swallowed quietly. The unmistakable figure, tall, powerful, spear-bearing and crowned with antlers, was undoubtedly the Master of the Wyld Hunt. Which brought me to the other thing I hadn't thought about; why I'd been brought here in the first place.
"A hunt has been called upon you, mortal hare," said the Huntsman. "And the hunt shall not be denied."
I steeled myself for the chase ahead. I didn't want to die here, not now; if I did, it'd be a waste of a perfectly good epiphany.