StarFall Comics
A Division of Pullemouttayerhat Productions
A Wholly-Owned Subsidiary of StarFall Innovations
Proudly Presents:
Swamp Patrol
Special Edition
#1: When The Law Is Not Right
cover: A completely black background, with the logo in green fixed-width font. At the bottom, in the same font, are the words "Special Edition"
Special Thanks to Senator Exon of Nebraska for providing the reason this issue was even conceived, and to Komrade Klinton for signing it into Law. May you both rot in Hell.
It was a bit colder that day than usual, mused Shelly Quince, reading the headline of the Allentown Morning Call while waiting for the bus.
"Damn. The asshole actually signed it."
"You think he wouldn't?" Frank asked. "It's just one more instance of a growing beaurocracy and more-intrusive government. I'll be glad when Buchannan's in the White House next year."
"Buchannan?" she shot back with a small smile. "No way. It's gonna be Forbes."
"Either one. As long as Slick Willy is out."
They waited for a bit in silence, then Frank asked, "You gonna black out your Web Pages?"
"You bet."
Shelly turned to the Local section of the paper.
"Oh shit."
"What is it?"
"Bekka was arrested last night," she explained, reading the police calls column. "The first local arrest under the new law."
"Lemme see that." Shelly handed Frank the paper. "Says she's charged with posting indecent material in cyberspace."
Shelly stood up, and walked away from the bus stop.
"Where ya goin'?"
"To get some answers," she called back.
Inspector Joseph Caruthers sat at his desk at the police station, sorting through arrest papers, when Shelly walked in and slammed the door shut.
Barely glancing up, Caruthers groaned, "What now, kid?"
"I want to know why you've arrested Bekka Spengler."
"Who?" Caruthers asked.
"The cyberspace indecency violation."
"Oh, her. It's that new law. Seems your friend posted something on the Internet last night the Feds didn't like. Alt.nuke.the.USA I think it was. Didn't find out about the arrest myself until this morning."
Shelly leaned over Caruthers's desk. "That's a joke group, Joe. And don't try to tell me that her posting was indecent. I read it this morning, and it ain't."
"Tell it to the judge, kid."
"Fine. I will. And the D.A., and whoever else is in the courtroom!"
Days passed, and the entire team was in the courthouse on the day of the trial.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Frank asked Shelly.
"Yeah. We have to kill this law."
The court came to order, and Shelly was the public defender's first witness.
"Would you mind telling the court your association with the defendent, Miss Quince?" the P.D. asked, once she'd taken the oath.
"Just an acquaintance from Lehigh U." she replied.
"And what is your experience with the Internet?"
"I've been active on the Internet for six years now."
"And are you familiar with the newsgroup, alt.nuke.the.USA?"
"Yes."
"Inform the court of the goings-on in this newsgroup."
"Alt.nuke.the.USA is a joke group," Shelly explained. "It's dedicated to pure silliness. Everything posted there is done purely tongue-in-cheek."
"Are you telling the court there is absolutely no malice involved?" the attorney asked.
"Yes."
"Your witness, Madame Prosecutor."
The prosecuting attorney stood up, a portly woman in a tan business suit.
"Miss Quince, are you aware of the new Telecommunications Law, which strictly forbids indecent material over the Internet?"
"I'd have to be blind and deaf not to," Shelly commented. In the back of the room, Frank grinned, Brill and Pete snuck each other a quick high-five, and Ted let out a short laugh.
"And are you aware that the law has banned indecent speech from the Internet?"
"I am aware that a Federal judge in Philadelphia has blocked that section of the law," Shelly stated, "under the constraints that the word 'indecent' was too broad. After all, in a recent series of posts, on the nerwsgroup rec.arts.comics.creative, when asked when a certain post was coming out, the author replied, 'It's coming.' To which a reply was jokingly made, 'It's coming? It's not even breathing hard.'" Everyone in the rear of the courtroom laughed, causing the judge to rap her gavel once to restore order.
"What I'm trying to say is," Shelly explained, "that section of the law is so vague, it's counter-productive. It will hurt the cyberspace community and our First Amendment right to free speech more than it will help in cleaning up the Internet. And if we can't toss around bad jokes, then what good is the Internet as a diversion?"
"That'll be all, your honor," the prosecutor stated, returning to her table.
"That was a gutsy move, Shell," Donna commented buring a break in the trial.
"I think it did the trick," Frank stated. "Even Ted thinks it's a surefire acquital. And you know how big a pessimist he is."
Pete glanced at his watch. "I think we better head back in. The judge will be making her decision soon."
"I've listened to all the arguements in this case," the judge stated, removing her glasses. "And I've read the opinion of my colleague in Philadelphia. In this case, I agree with the Philadelphia District Court. In the District covered by the Lehigh Valley Federal District Court, the language of the Telecommunications Act of 1996 involving indecent speech via the Internet is to be struck from the Law. The section dealing with pornographic material, however, will stay in effect. I'm certain my superiors in the Circuit Court, as well as the denizens of cyberspace, will realize that a line has to be drawn somewhere.
"Bekka Spengler, you are hereby acquited of all charges against you. You are free to go. But in the future, please make it a point to be more responsible in your dealings on the Internet. Case closed."
And the denizens of the StarFall Universe rested a little easier that night, knowing that sometimes, the system actually did work.
The End (?)
Reality Check!
I am unaware of the scope of the Philadelphia Federal District Court's jurisdiction, hence the need for Lehigh Valley District Court. (We may fall under it up here in the Poconos, I dunno.) However, the opinion given by the judge in this story was passed down in Philly. There is hope for the system yet. ;)