Low Budget Productions Proudly Presents,
A Starfall Comics Comic:
Swamp Patrol
#21: Going Out of My Head
Continuity Breakdowns, part four
cover: An extreme close-up of an orange, plastic pill bottle. The label reads: "For acute paranoia, schizophrenia, multiple-personality disorder, depression, hysterical blindness, psychotic episodes, delusions of grandeur..." and continues past the bottom of the cover.
Felicia Noir was tired. She'd been working since six o'clock that morning at the O'Bedlam Memorial Hospital, and as she walked down the medicinally white halls of the institute she was on the verge of being out on her feet. At least, she thought, there was only one hour between now and the end of her shift. The hands on her watch just couldn't move fast enough.
At the end of the hall that led to the Ginsberg Wing of the hospital, she ran into Dr. Jerome. A man in a nebulous part of middle-age, he was a friendly sort of fellow who combined compassion and joviality in his treatment of the mentally ill.
"Hello, Dr. Jerome," Felicia said, stopping to speak with him.
"Oh, hello Felicia. How are you today?"
"Tired. I'm putting in extra hours this week."
"Yes, we all are." He smiled at her. It was a nice smile, Felicia thought. If she were ever to go crazy, she'd want someone like Dr. Jerome looking after her.
"How are the patients in Ginsberg?" she asked.
He sighed. "By and large they seem entrenched in their problems. But I still maintain the hope that some day at least some of them shall be capable of re-entering society as fully functional and participatory members."
A cry arose from the ward behind him, a young man's voice shouting "Where have you gone, Walt Whitman?"
"If you will excuse me, nurse," Dr. Jerome said.
Felicia nodded. She had duties to attend to as well.
"I'm telling you, I'm not crazy."
"Of course not, Mr. Stolid."
Frank gestured emphatically between his roommate and the nurse who was tending to him. "He's crazy," Frank said. "I'm not crazy."
The nurse nodded. "I know."
The other man began to shout, mostly nonsense about numbers and patterns in the universe, and the nurse moved her attention from Frank to his roommate, trying to quiet him down.
"I'm not crazy," Frank repeated, this time to himself.
"Psssst. Frank!"
Frank looked around, but couldn't see anyone.
"Up here!"
Looking up, Frank saw Donna hiding in an air vent above his head.
"How did you get up there?" he whispered.
"Do you have to ask?" She smiled. "Just wanted to let you know I'm going to get you out of here."
"Thanks, but how?"
"Talking to someone?" The nurse had returned her attention to Frank.
"Um. No." Mentally, Frank kicked himself. If you're going to convince her your not crazy, buddy, telling her you're talking to yourself might not be the best stat.
"Okay, Frank. I'll see you in a couple of hours, okay?" The nurse smiled flatly and left the room.
Frank looked back up at the air vent, but there was no one there.
From the hall, Felicia wearily watched the girl drop down from the air vent and crouch on the floor. No doubt she thought she had transformed herself into a mouse or some such and was just now changing back. Felicia sighed. She was such a pleasant, pretty girl, too. It really was a shame.
"How are you, Donna?" she asked, stepping into the room as the young woman climbed back into bed. "Is your wrist feeling any better? I don't know how they could have forgotten Alice's medication."
Donna nodded, rubbing her wrist absently. "It's a bit better, thanks," she said. "I hope Alice is okay. I know she couldn't help herself."
Much as the young girl in front of her couldn't help thinking she could change shape, Felicia thought. "I'm sure she's doing just fine. You've just been separated for a while so we can make sure it won't happen again."
"Well, hurry up and get her back," Donna said, smiling. "We're best friends."
Walking down the hospital-white hallway, Kevin Jerome checked his clipboard. Alice Grant. And they had been making such progress. He made sure the sleeves of his coat came down to his thumbs, and stepped into the room.
"Hello, Alice. How are you today?"
Alice was a redhead who looked like she was in her late teens, although her file stated clearly that she was 24. Until a week ago, she had been a model patient and treated as such. Now they had her restrained in a straitjacket once more, for both her own safety and the safety of others. She didn't seem to mind, though. She was positively chipper.
"I'm good, Dr. Jerome," she replied, smiling. "How are you?"
"I'm good as well. Now, Alice... how much do you remember of last Sunday."
"Not a whole lot, I'm afraid. Doc, did I hurt Donna real bad?"
Jerome shook his head. "No. She's doing well."
Alice whistled. "Well, that's a relief. I hadn't been able to get word of her the whole time I've been here. She knows I didn't mean to do it, right? I mean, that's why I'm *here*, because I do things that I don't mean to... but I don't want her thinking I wanted to hurt her."
"Don't worry, Alice, Donna doesn't blame you. Now, maybe we can figure out why you did do what you did, and hopefully stop it from happening again."
"I'll give it my best, doc."
"You're new here, aren't you?"
"How could you tell?"
"The look on your face. You'll get used to it over time."
"I hope so. Say, there was this one patient..."
"Vampire guy?"
"I guess you could call him that."
"Yeah, he gives everyone the creeps. Smart as Hell. My best advice is try not to talk to him."
"But..."
"We had him doped up for a long time, but somebody higher up got wind of it and made us stop because it wasn't prescribed. If they'd been around to hear him talk, well, it damn sure would have been prescribed."
"He sounded so rational. So sane. Even when he was telling me about killing his sister. How can you take it?"
"I steal the patient's medication."
"What?"
"That's a joke, son."
*You have to wonder what sort of parents these kids have* Felicia thought as her low heels clack-clacked down the hallway to the next patient she had to look in on. Getting both brothers in here...
"He is coming! Repent of your sins and renounce your hell-spawned ways!"
The sound of the younger Stolid brother's ranting could be heard even two doors down the hall. Religious fervor wasn't enough to get you locked up, although sometimes as she walked around downtown Felicia wished it was. But repeated counts of assault and the belief that an angel had granted you the power to shoot laser beams from your hands was.
"I renounced my unholy origins, and have been accepted into God's grace with open arms! The same can be true of you! Your redemption is at hand!"
Felicia peaked in the window in the doorway. Yep, as she thought -- the room was empty except for Theodore. Never stopped him from proselytizing, though. She made sure to tuck the tiny gold crucifix her mother had given her under her blouse, so that he wouldn't see it. In the past he had alternately taken it for a sign that she would help him escape, or seen it as an affront to and mockery of his beliefs. No point in dealing with either of those problems if she could avoid it.
Felicia Noir smiled as she slipped into her coat and picked her purse up from the reception desk. Yes, the shortage of qualified professionals meant longer hours and more draining conditions for her. But still, her job was of the rare kind that left her feeling like she had actually contributed something to the world at the end of the day. It was enough to get her through the subway ride home to her empty apartment.
"Goodnight, Kat," she said to the woman at reception.
"Goodnight, Felicia. See you tomorrow."
Looking for chap stick in her purse, Felicia stepped into the revolving door that led out of the hospital. It was only when she looked up that she noticed the parking lot wasn't there. In fact, nothing was there, and the revolving doors coughed her up into a grey void that swallowed her whole.
"Psst."
Frank looked up, but this time there was no sign of Donna in the air vent.
"Over here, silly."
The door opened a crack and Frank saw Donna crouched in the hallway. He slipped out of his bed and padded over to her.
"How did you get out?" he whispered.
She smiled. "I have my ways. Come on."
"What, now?" In his shock, he let his voice rise to normal volume, and he glanced back at his roommate to make sure he was still asleep. Luckily, while the man was muttering something about wheels and circles, he didn't seem to be aware of his surroundings.
"Yes, now. I've already gotten word to the others. We just have to get Alice and then we can go."
"Others?" Frank put his hand on Donna's wrist, and she winced. "Alice?"
"Of course, silly. You didn't think I was going to let the rest of the team sit here and rot."
"Well..."
Donna's eyes flashed angrily. "And I have to get Alice out, she's been like my best friend since I got here."
"Didn't she try to break your wrist?"
"That was... an accident. It wasn't really Alice. It's just a little problem she has." She pulled on his arm. "Now let's go before we get caught. You think it'll be this easy if we have to try it a second time?"
Donna led Frank down the dimly lit hallway. Things were significantly less busy at night, Frank noticed, although he still felt like he was going to be apprehended by a doctor or security guard at a moment's notice. Did they even have security guards here? Of course, they had to. He just couldn't remember seeing any.
"First we have to get your brother."
"Ted?!" Frank stopped. "You're breaking Ted out of here? He tried to kill us! Twice!"
Donna shook her head. "That was before. Remember? He's better now. But we..."
"What? What?"
"We may have to play along with him a bit. He seems to have relapsed or something since we showed up here."
Frank closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Great. So what you're saying is he's not better now." He felt Donna tugging at his shirt and the two of them started moving again.
"Not right this moment. I think it has something to do with this place." She made a vague gesture that could have taken in the hallway, the whole building, or the city. "Ever since we woke up here, things have been crazy. Pardon the pun."
"Keep that up and you'll sound like Pete."
She punched him playfully in the shoulder with her good hand. "Ick." Then her smile vanished. "There," she said. "Ted's in that room." She indicated a room that Frank could barely see in the dim light.
"How do we get him out?"
"Leave that to me. Stay here."
Donna ran over to the room, practically disappearing in the shadows. A few seconds passed, and then the door simply clicked open. The Ted who stepped out wore his hospital clothes like the robes of a priest.
"Remember," Donna said, popping up beside Frank, "call him Theodore, just for now."
"Aw jeez."
"So, brother," Ted said as he joined them, "have you accepted your redemption?"
"Er. Yes. Yes I have."
Ted smiled. "Excellent."
"Now we have to free Brill." Donna led the two Stolids down the hallway while she filled them in. "He's under heavier security than we were, but it shouldn't be too hard with three of us to work around it."
"What about the others? Janice and Pete and Shelly?"
The three of them ducked around a corner as someone came down the hall. "I don't know. I couldn't find any records of them. Hopefully they're on the outside somewhere and we can get to them and find out what's going on."
They walked in silence for a long time. Frank couldn't think of anything to say to his brother, or anything to say to Donna in front of his brother.
"He's in there," Donna said, indicating a room a few paces from where they stood. "And Alice is near here, too. So when we've gotten him out it'll be easier to go get her too."
"Alice?" Ted asked.
"She's a friend of Donna's," Frank explained.
"I see. Well, as long as we are all doing God's work, nothing shall defeat us in the due course of time."
"Right." Frank nodded. "So let's do some of God's work and get Brill out of there."
"No need," Brill said as he stepped out of the shadows. "When Donna told me about your plan, I thought I might as well help myself so we could get a head start. Unfortunately, it required the elimination of some obstacles." He gestured at the door to his room, which was propped open by what appeared to be a body.
"You killed him?" Donna said.
"Eliminated," Brill corrected. "Killed is such a harsh word, and so inappropriate since it requires the subject to have been alive beforehand."
"He wasn't a vampire, Brill."
"Hmm? Oh, no. No, he was a figment of my imagination, much as that corpse is currently a figment of our collective imagination. As is this hospital and quite possibly everyone within it, except for us. Maybe even including us."
Frank stepped forward, hands clenching. "How can you be so sure?"
Before Brill could answer, Donna stepped between them. "Guys, let's go get Alice and then we can argue this once we're out of here, okay?"
Reluctantly, Frank nodded. But he didn't like the way his friends were acting. This wasn't the Swamp Patrol he had known for so long. Or was it? Maybe he was crazy...
For Alice Grant, sleep was not as pleasant as it used to be. Yes, tonight they had let her out of the straitjacket, but she was still strapped down, tied to her bed. Helpless. She couldn't move, couldn't get up, couldn't run away. And the straps didn't stop the voice that she heard like the jacket did. In fact, the straps that held her down on her bed made the voice louder in her ears, in her mind. Inside.
Alice...
I can't hear you. I'm asleep. Go away.
Alice...
I said go away!
They're coming for you, Alice. I want you to go with them. They will set you free...
I want to stay here!
No you don't, Alice...
But Donna is here and she's my friend!
Donna is coming, Alice. Coming for you...
She's... she's coming?
Yes...
Alice looked down at her body, a body that had betrayed her before and even as she looked at it was prepared to betray her again. The mouths, the little slit mouths on her wrists had opened as the voice spoke to her, showing teeth and tongues that invaded her at their leisure.
I... You win. I will.
"Is this it?" Brill asked, looking at the other four. "Shouldn't there be more of us?"
"Donna said she couldn't find any records of Janice, Pete, or Shelly," Frank explained.
"Right! That was their names!" Brill scratched at the beard that had been growing against his will, since he hadn't been allowed sharp objects. "Well, let's get out of here, then."
The five made their way quietly to an elevator.
"You know," Donna said, "even without the others, it still feels like we're missing people."
"Are there supposed to be people in the halls?" Alice asked.
"That's it! Where are all the other people? Night shift staff, security guards..."
"We passed a guard before," Ted said. "Remember?"
"And Brill killed one," Frank said with obvious distaste. "But since then I haven't seen a single soul other than the ones in this elevator."
"I told you, figments of our imagination." Brill smiled, obviously pleased with himself. "And now that we've caught on, they're not around anymore."
"I suppose that's a possibility."
The elevator dinged and spat them out into the lobby.
"See?" Brill said. "Not even a receptionist. And look outside."
The world beyond the front door was an opaque greyness.
"A trick of the streetlights, cloud cover, and the concrete of the parking lot," Frank asserted. "Simple as that."
"I don't care if it's a trick involving a bunny and a bouquet of flowers," Donna said, running for the door. "Let's get out of here."
"Wait!" Frank shouted, running after her. The others followed quickly on his heels. "You don't know what..." But she was gone, through the revolving door, and Frank was right behind her. He came out into the grey void that his eyes had tried to tell him about, and he crashed headlong into Donna.
"We're out!" Donna said.
"But where--"
She cut him off with a kiss.