StarFall Comics
A Division of Pullemouttayerhat Productions
A Wholly-Owned Subsidiary of StarFall Innovations
Proudly Presents:
Swamp Patrol
#7: A Day in the Life of a Swamper
cover: Same as the first issue's cover, but with a big hole in the center through which Ted can be seen firing and blast at the reader.
Pete, Brill, and Frank sat in the garage's lobby/office, discussing the previous night's events. Caruthers had shown up shortly after a city trooper had arrived on the scene, and taken Alley Cat into custody. Unfortunately, the gunman who had helped Brill catch her had been arrested as well.
"Hopefully, she'll tell Caruthers what he wants to know." Pete commented.
"Yeah. But that'll also get Ted in a lot of trouble. That really stinks, having a creep's testimoney hitting both ways."
Frank just nodded his agreement.
"Well, break's about over." Pete muttered, heading back out to the pit. He would rather use his time banging a fender back into shape than sitting around complaining about how 'unfair' things often seemed.
"So where's Ted now?" Brill asked.
"Shelly's got him and Donna working on their math. Looks like Ted's attitude's even affecting his schoolwork."
"I've got an idea to change that. Let me take a few days to train with him."
When Ted came out to the back lot of the garage he found Brill waiting for him, instead of Frank.
"Your brother needed to get a few things straightened out with Caruthers," Brill told him. "So I'm taking his place for today. The lesson: Attitude Adjustment."
"Knock it off, Brill. I don't wanna fool around. If Frank's not here, I'll just take the day off."
"I don't think so," Brill said, reaching into the duffle-bag by his feet. "Frank wanted me to take over for him today, and you are going to be a prize pupil."
When Ted saw what Brill held in his hand, he nearly flipped.
"What are you doing with my comics collects??? How'd...???"
Brill just smiled his quirky grin.
"Target practice."
Shelly couldn't watch. Turning from the window looking into the back lot, she moved to the fridge, and got herself a Jolt Cola.
"Gotta admit," Donna said to her, taking in the spectacle. "Brill'd make a great drill sergeant."
Ted took aim, as Brill tossed a mylar-encapsulated comic into the air.
"Shoot it!" Brill ordered.
Ted's lower lip quivered with indecision, but his finger finally squeezed what would have been the trigger. A dull red burst of light lanced out from the steering wheel's base, contacted with the bag's surface, and blew straight through a mint condition copy of TJ Hero #0.
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!"
Brill just reached into the duffel, and drew out the next victim.
"Ooooooh." Brill exclaimed, holding the front toward Ted. "Continuity Champ and the Drizzt's Defenders, number 25. Vintage."
Before tossing the prize skyward, he took a long deep breath of the cover, as one would a cigar.
Ted went ballistic.
Frank and Caruthers were having a rather heated 'discussion' in the police building's cafeteria. Alley Cat had managed to get out on bail.
"...can't find a competent judge anymore! I'd have made her sit and rot AT LEAST until the hearing! What do these morons use for brains? Ash can leavings?"
"You didn't have a tail on her?" Frank asked.
"Yeah. But he lost her somewhere downtown. Said she must've gone up a fireescape, or out another door. I'd call him an idiot, but he's the best on the force."
Janice had decided, against her better judgement, to spend an afternoon with Marguerite. The two sat in a booth at the Barnes and Noble's coffee shop. At the moment, they sat in silence, sipping their drinks. The tension was less than what Jan had expected, but "Maggie" was looking at her in a very annoying way.
Why's she have to keep looking at me like that?! she thought. I'm not some baby that needs constant attention!
"Jan..."
"What?"
"Uh...nothing."
Silence continued for another stretch of eternity, until there was a presence at Jan's left.
"Hey, babe! Haven't I seen you here before? How about me and my buddy show you and your sis a good time?"
Jan was about to give the rude creature a good thumping, but Marguerite beat her to it.
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANCRACK!!
"Great."
Tossing away the hammer that he'd been using on a dented sidewall, Pete reached into his tool box, and pulled out a can of aerosol spray. Giving the ozone a good dousing, he felt his tension disappear.
"Much better!"
He soon returned to work, after turning up his recording of several hundred different cow farts. He had gotten off the job an hour ago, but had a project of his own that he was working on. Going outside, he passed Brill and Ted, who blew yet another hole through another comic. He took note that Ted's collection was down to just a few What Ifs and some dog-eared New Universe issues.
"Brill!"
Brill turn to face Pete.
"Yeah?"
"You're a Philistine, dude. Keep up the good work."
"Right."
With that, Pete headed for a pile of old parts. Digging through it, he pulled out a relatively undamaged sidewall, but tossed it back. Wrong size.
Shelly and Donna had stopped watching the massacre, and had logged onto the net. Loading up the news groups, they pulled up alt.barney.dinosaur.die.die.die.
"So what's the word on Shardik? He leaving for vacation, or has he gotten that laptop, yet?"
"Nah. He and Windigo are still looking for a better apartment. But Pat got his news server working again, so he's recruiting for NEBULA."
The two popped in and out of several more news groups, and finally settled on a chat session in #Barney. As usual, the servers were lagged.
"Think they'll ever fix that?"
"Nah. It's almost tradition by now."
Frank pulled his Jeep into the garage parking lot, just in time to see Brill jump the lower half of the front door. Racing passed him, Brill yelled:
"I got him to stop disintigrating things! Now he knocks holes in them!"
Before Frank could say anything, Brill shot down the street, as Ted nearly ripped the knob off trying to get the door open.
"Come back here! I'll make a sieve outta your butt, you partially hydrogenated little snarf!"
Brill, of course, was by now well away. Ted grumbled and kicked the garage's brick facade for a bit, then finally noticed Frank. Without a word, Ted went off down the street in the opposite direction that Brill had taken.
Jan and Marguerite sat with their backs to the holding cell wall. The book store's manager had called the police, who arrived just as Jan was becoming involved in the row. The punk and his friend were let off, with several bruises to remember the incident by.
Jan's mood had gone from somewhat aminable to almost totally hostile. She had known it had been a bad idea to have anything to do with "Maggie". Still, it was interesting that that punk had mistaken Maggie for her sister.
Looking over at her, Jan studied her mother's face. Often Jan had used Maggie's age as an excuse and vent for her hostility, but now it struck her just how young she really appeared. There were no signs of even the slightest wrinkles on that face, not a mole or any discoloration to suggest that she was past her early twenties.
Then she noticed that Maggie was looking at her, too.
"Jan," she said, her voice trembling. "If it's what you really want, I'll go away."
Before Jan could answer, or even form a thought, an officer opened the cell door.
"Marguerite and Janice Hawkins! Move it, ladies!"
Pete was snugging up the last few bolts on his project when Brill stuck his head through the back door.
"Is it safe?" he asked, with his usual quirky grin.
"Yeah. Ted hasn't come back in yet."
Walking into the garage, Brill looked over the vehicle Pete had been working on. It resembled a Hummvee in that it was high-riding and flat-bodied, but the engine sat firmly in it's midsection. Also, it was built around a full steel frame and roll-cage.
"So this is where all our sheet stock's been disappearing to." Brill said. "Must weigh at least a ton and a half."
"It should." Pete replied. "The doors and side panels are steel reinforced, and look at the engine."
When Brill did, he whistled in appreciation.
"Boy, you must've called in every favor we had to get this."
Under the engine cowling sat a V-8 454 customized big block. It was outfitted with over-sized cams, a turbo charged carburator, and sported various other, barely legal additions.
"Nitros? You hooked in nitros?"
Pete just grinned.
"Wait until I get this thing ready for the road."
In response to Brill's questioning look, Pete pointed him towards the vehicle's underside. Stooping down, Brill smacked his head in a typical 'Well, duuuuh!' motion. There was a near total lack of an exhaust system or drive train.
"At least the expensive parts are finished." Pete said. "Now all we need is the rabble."
In the sub-levels of the Stevens Estate, Dr. Jerome Kay brought his employer back into conciousness.
"Mr. Stevens? Can you hear me Mr. Stevens?"
Carter Stevens tried to blink his eyes, but found that when he opened them they stung unmercifully. There was a warm wetness all about him, and the air seemed thick.
Forcing himself to keep his eyes open, he saw Dr. Kay in a distorted, exagerated perspective. He tried to speak, but his lungs refused to push enough air for his vocal cords to work.
"Yes!" Dr. Kay exclaimed. "It has worked! Consider yourself a great achievement, Carter Stevens! You are my first successful experiment in liquid atmospheric survival, and soon you will be far more!"
Carter Stevens tried to scream as the realization of what had happened dawned upon him, but the chemical bath supporting him prevented it from being more than a gurgle.