Finally brings you the long-awaited conclusion of:

JOHNNY FEARLESS

"We were definitely in trouble." Fearless continued. "They were around us, and began closing in. It was horrible. They all had an insane smile and a mad, animalistic gleam in their eyes. The worst had happened. We were surrounded by Oozelfinches."

"Whuderthegunnudotuuz?" Bad Timing Boy half-yelled, half-mumbled through his gag.

Fortunately, Fearless' gag had been tied to where his voice-over was completely cut off.

"Silence!" warbled a rather large Oozelfinch, waddling over to BTBoy, and waddle-kicked him in the ribs. "All hail the Great Oozelfinch! The Stupidest Oozelfinch of Them All!"

With this pronouncement, a rather small, almost runtish looking Oozelfinch waddled into view, standing proudly on the stoop of a crunbling tenament.

"Oyez! Oyez! Oyez! Welcome to da North 40 of Paradise and Mayhem where da winds blow south, and da dragon singing dooda!"

All the other Oozelfinches bowed reverently to this spectacle, uttering oblations and exclaimations of awe.

"Silence!" warbled the largish Oozelfinch, rising to his feet. "Let the Great One squeak!"

Meanwhile, Jailbait had finally managed to get her gag free.

"This is the 'Great Oozelfinch'?" she muttered. "What an idjit!"

"It'll only get worse," Cheesecake Eater Lad replied, having digested his cheesecake-flavored gag. "I'm out of cheesecakes."

"Hey, Brad, why don't don't you wish for them to not set us free?"

BT Boy wiggled out of his own gag. "Why would I do that?"

"Just wish for it!"

While Bad Timing Boy half-heartedly wished not to be set free, Jailbait reached out with her gravity powers, and created a gravitational pull between him and the ceiling.

"WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME!" he screamed as he floated upwards, getting the Oozelfinches attention.

With yowls and confused skwawks equal only to terrified kiwis, the Oozelfinches milled around, trying to duck under anything they could find. Then the big Oozelfinch called for their attention.

"BEHOLD! The Great Oozelfinch displays to you his awesome might! Hail the Great Oozelfinch!"

The other birds looked out from their hiding places doubtfully, but were finally convinced that it was their leader's doing when he quacked:

"Groovy."

"This isn't working, Jenni!" Cannon Fodder said.

Managing to free his mouth, Fearless put in his two cents.

"I was beginning to wonder if we had been taken hostage by the Democratic National Committee. But then, Hillary and Tipper were nowhere to be seen, so I knew our situation was much better than the orignal assessment."

Everyone who could suddenly turned their eyes on California Kid, who had been furiously chewing away at his gag. It had been shredded at last, and he let everyone know he had regained his voice.

"Totally bogus! Polyester is, like, not my material of choice, man! Like, if you dudes know what's good for you, you'll, like, let us free, or I'll, like, go totally Bonanza on your little kiwi butts! Can ya dig it?!"

"BRUTHAH! My long los' li'l bruthah!"

Eyes turned again, and the Great Oozelfinch waddled down off the stoop, and over to CK.

"Mah armpits burst for joy at yo' return!"

Without hesitation, CK turned red with embarrassment as the funny little bird ascended to the top of his head and pronounced the induction of the intruders into the flock.

"WILL SOMEONE GET ME DOWN FROM HERE?!!" Bad Timing Boy yelled down, hovering near the ceiling.

"Sure thing!" Jenni stated, letting him go.

"YIIEE!!!!!"

*SPLUT!*

Brad landed on the big Oozelfinch.

"ouch!" was all PK Kid could mutter, wincing. "Not where I would have landed."

"You sure this is it?" CF asked the Great Oozelfinch.

"In the Cosmic relativity of existance, we move and muddle through many existintial planes and transcendant boundaries not often crossed by they who have not will to overcome their fear and insecurity! But in all the doings of mortals, we shall triumph! RIGHTEOUS!"

"I take it that means 'yes'," CF muttered.

"On three," CE Lad stated, leaning his portly frame against the door to the warehouse. "One! Two! Two and a half! Two and three-quarters!"

"GET ON WITH IT!" Bad Timing Boy yelled.

"Too late." Heads turned, as the door opened from the inside, CE Lad falling over. "I'm Jon Crosspost. This is my brother Jeff. Now tell us why you're here, before I decide whether to kill you fast, or slowly."

"Sticky Wadster o' Death! Bringing to you on da flip-flop with much grooveness and funkinality, presentin' to you, the one! The only! Cannon Fodder! Get down, wit' yo bad self! OW!"

"I told you little runts not to call me that!" Jon Crosspost yelled, slapping the Great Oozelfinch off CK's head.

Cannon Fodder stepped in front of the Crosspost brothers.

"For the murders of Bobb Fodder, Lindsey Waggoner, and your other victims, you're under arrest."

"Screw you, lamoid!" Jeff stated, shooting CF in the face with a shotgun.

"Is he?" CK asked.

"Dead as a doorbell," Jailbait stated. "He'll be coming to in about five minutes."

"That's it!" PK Kid stated. "Legionnaires, ATTACK!"

Before the team could rush through the door, it was slammed in their faces. They banged on it for a few moments, then tried to figure out a way to get it open.

"The only way we can get that door open is for CK to ram it." said Jailbait.

"What?! Like, no way, babe! I'm not getting any, like, dents in my 'board!"

"While the LNHers argued over the best course of action, none of then noticed the large Oozelfinch 'borrowing' CK's rocket board." "What???"

"COWABUNGIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

The Oozelfinch rocketed passed the group, and braced for impact. Then, the door opened.

"What? You pukes still he-uuuuurk!"

The board raced across the threshold, over the unwelcome mat, and slammed into Jeff Crosspost's gut.

The team wasted no time getting through the door.

"Somebody stop that little board-snatcher!" CK yelled, as chaos ensued.

Jon Crosspost had barely enough time to bring up his shotgun, before Bad Timing Boy tripped over an Oozelfinch, and fell into him. Jailbait took the opportunity to make Jim's gravity field very attractive to the floor.

Oozelfinches flooded the room, squawking, warbling, and waddling all over the downed Crosspost brothers.

"In the fullness of time there is that juncture where all dreams are met and severely beaten with a cumquatt!" orated the Great Oozelfinch. "Now is the time where avacado dip is not sufficient to the purpose! Let the Jolt flow!"

"Oh, no!" Brad moaned. "They're not gonna..."

Every Oozelfinch pulled from a pouch in their bellies a 20 ounce bottle of Jolt, shook them vigorously, then popped the caps.

*SPLOOOOOOOOOSH*

"They...glub...did."

"Hey, isn't CF s'posed to be awake by now?" CE Lad asked, floating on the surface of the Jolt lake the warehouse had become.

"There he is!" Jailbait motioned, keepeing herself afloat as CF's body drifted by, face down. "Looks like he drowned in the Jolt the moment he woke up. The Writer must be making up for the opportunities missed last issue."

"This was humilitating," Fearless intoned. "While Jolt Cola was one of my favorite drinks, I never expected to be drowned in the stuff. The Oozelfinches appear to take to the stuff like a duck to water."

"What's a duck?" one of the Oozelfinches asked, paddling past him.

PK Kid and CK pulled the now unconscious Crosspost brothers to the surface.

"So, what are we going to do with these two?" PK Kid asked.

"I - cough - know what I'm going to do," CF stated, coming to near them. He swiftly punched both Jon and Jeff Crosspost in the chin. "Whaddaya know? Glass jaws!"

"They were already unconscious, CF," CE Lad stated.

"So? I feel better anyway."

"You okay, Cannon Fodder?" Jailbait asked.

"I don't know. Having met the guys responsible for making me who I am, I'm not sure what to feel."

"So, are we to call you 'Godd Fodder' from now on?" Brad asked.

"I think I'll keep the name 'Cannon Fodder'," CF stated. "I've grown ... attached to it."

"Did ya have to bring the whole flock?" Jailbait asked, brushing an Oozelfinch out of her hair.

"Well, like, it just wouldn't have been, y'know, kosher to take the dudes and leave the babes!"

"It's gonna be a long ride home," CF muttered. He looked around. "Where are the brothers?"

"Well, after CK decided to invite the Oozelfinches to the LNHHQ," Cheesecake Eater Lad explained, "we just didn't have room for them. So we bound, gagged, and... ahem... mailed them to the Net.ropolis prison."

"'MAILED'?!" everyone but Fearless and CE Lad asked. From the co-pilot's seat, the Great Oozelfinch exposited:

"Heaven and Earth are seperated by more than mere miles, but the span cannot be held accountable! The mailman WILL make his rounds! NARF!"