The		                           %%     
	                                   %%
	 %%%%%          %%%%%   %%    %% %%%%%%
	%%   %%        %%   %%  %%    %%   %%
	%%   %%       %%     %% %%    %%   %%
	%%  %%%%  **   %%   %%  %%    %%   %%
	 %%%%  %% **    %%%%%    %%%%%%     %%% Siders

"Can I help you, sir?" Fred asked.

"Which way to the try-outs?" a surprisingly feminine voice asked. Startled, Fred pointed the stranger down the hallway.

"Doc Stomper's running them in the Peril Room. Go down that hallway, and it'll be the door on the right at the very end."

"Thanks."

Continuing her way toward the Peril Room, she was passed by Easily Discovered Man Lite and an Oozelfinch. Having caught sight of the lovely young felinoid, the two completely forgot the conversation they were having, and stopped to stare as she moved away from them.

"Panta's got competition now," EDML whistled.

"Many mighty men have mangled and maimed for multitudes of mind-chilling maidens most fair and meticulously manicured, but monsters all, or mild they have proved," the Oozelfinch replied.

"Are you guys sure you ain't related to aLLiterative Lass?" EDML scowled at his diminutive companion.

"Itzajob!" the 'finch replied, sticking it's tongue out at him.

Stacy sighed as she listened to the passing comments, a smile forming on her lips.

"Not another Panta-wannabe," she groaned, glancing over at the antrhopomorphic mole and squirrel sitting in the Rejection Area.

"Give her a chance," Stomper whispered. "After all, we may not even get to her in this round of try-outs. So who's next?"

"It's..." Organic Lass looked at her sign-in sheet. "oh no."

"Who?"

"It's the Great Oozelfinch."

"Salutations and salmonilla to all, my compatriots in criminal crunching and malevolent mischief! Prepare to be masterfully out-manuvered and mystified by the powerful persona that is, well, ME!"

"I was afraid of this," Stomper stated. "Well, step over here, my little friend, and let's see how you do." He punched in a combination on his keypad, and the room altered. The Great Oozelfinch half-waddled and half-flew over to the middle of the room.

The Room had gone from sheer metal walls and floor to a city-scene, with the Great Oozelfinch standing in a back alley.

"Familiar and funky is the function you have conjured for my contestation of constant companionship and calamity in the most noble Net.legion! LET'S ROCK!!!"

Waddling down the alley, the funny little squirrel-brain sniffed about, trying to pick up a scent of opposition, dispite the fact that he, like all birds, had no sense of smell.

"Welcome to your doom, little one!" a voice rumbled, dropping down from above. "I... am Lagneto."

"Excellence!" the GO exclaimed. "My quarry has come to the trap that I have so engeniously laid for him!"

"Trap? BAH! You have come to your doom, you... you... WHATEVER YOU ARE!" Lagnetic force ripped through the air, and punched a crater into the pavement where the little bird had stood just milliseconds before. Confused, the computer generated Lagneto cast about for his victim.

"Lag-a-ling-a-loo-loo! Coming though-oo!"

In a blue and green blur, the Great Oozelfinch poinked Lagneto in the gut, beak first.

Grabbing him around the neck, the net.villian laughed in derision.

"Is that the best you can do, puny creature?"

"I'm just getting warmed up, my dear little bank heisteronni."

"Look at it this way," Stomper said. "Do we really want to give HIM a chance should the LNH's leadership come into question again?"

"Good point," OL muttered, tweaking the difficulty rating a few notches higher.

"Think again, boobela! YODELAY-A-BOMB!!!!!"

With the force of a low-yield atomic weapon, Lagneto was hurled backwards, through several buildings, a used car dealership, and a billboard advertizing Kiwi Wax, the polish that puts the shine back into your upholstery.

The Great Oozelfinch pulled himself out of Lagneto's grip, and waddled over to stand on his nose.

"Give up?" GO asked, pecking Lagneto between the eyes. The world fizzed around them, as a stunned Doc Stomper and Organic Lass peeked over the overturned desk.

"I don't believe it," OL moaned. "He passed!"

"Name?" Stomper asked.

"Stacy Boomer. I prefer to call myself Skunk Girl, though."

"Skunk Girl. Shoulda guessed. What are your powers?"

"Well, I have the proportionate strength and agility of a skunk, plus my retractable claws, enhanced senses, and what I like to call my 'Skunk Blast'."

"'Skunk Blast'?" OL groaned. "What does this entail?"

"Well," SG stated, "it's *in* my tail (which is real, by the way), and it's a stench powerful enough to knock even the strongest-willed net.villains for a loop. After all, they need to breathe, right?"

"What about this armor you're wearing?" Stomper asked.

"Just something I picked up during my travels," she stated. "Much more effective than Spandex, if you ask me."

"Follow me," Stomper instructed. "Let's put you through one of our standard tests."

Tapping on his keypad, Stomper called up a gymnasium with several obstacles, pieces of modified gym equipment, and five ninja-mimes.

"Ninja mimes?" OL asked.

"Hey, why should the tour bus have all the fun?" Stomper shrugged with a smile.

"Gimme a break," Stacy grumbled. "This'll be easier than... HEY!"

Ducking just in time to keep a mimed shuriken from planting itself in her forehead, Stacy was forced to re-assess her position.

"Target has entered enemy compound. Further survailance is impossible without pursuit and contact. Initiate Alt.eration 772 on my mark."

Several moments later, he was at street-level, heading for the LNHQ entrance. Stepping through the door to the lobby, he initiated the change.

"PPPPBBBBBTTTTTTBBBBB!!!!!"

The LNH and Fearless, always giving his perpetual voice-over into his microphone, drifted from the lobby into the Cafeteria.

"Finally," the Incredible Man-With-No-Life muttered. "There's some variety in the menu today. Wonder how CE Lad is taking the fact he has to share his kitchen now?"

"And for the last time," everyone heard coming through the doors of the kitchen, "I don't care what you do in your own section. Just don't touch my cheesecakes!"

"I GUESS WE KNOW!" CAPTAIN CAPITALIZE roared. Everyone around him covered their ears, while IMWNL passed out ear-plugs.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!"

All heads turned towards the kitchen doors as CE Lad, followed by Shake-N-Bake Lass, stormed through them, into the cafeteria.

"No! No! No! It can't be! You couldn't have! Aaaaaagh!"

"What is it this time CE Lad?" Ultimate Ninja demanded, coming into the room.

"She... she... she.... No!" With deep, racking sobs, CE Lad just pointed to the object in Shake-N-Bake Lass' hands.

"Oh, grow up, fat boy!" she retorted. "All I did was Shake-N-Bake your cheesecake! And trust me, it's a lot better because of it!"

"That's debatable," Bad-Timing Boy groaned, wincing from his shoulder wound reacting to the thought.

"Well, there's only one person in this room able to stomach anything CE Lad's been able to dish out so far," UN stated. "Johnny Fearless, STEP FORWARD!"

"Bonzai! The media hack of heroism has been called on once more to face the perils of the cheesecake of cheesecakes! Not any mere cheesecake, but a cheesecake worth it's weight in cheese! It's the one, the only, the non-Kirby... Shake-N-Baked Cheesecake of Doom!" the Great Oozelfinch warbled.

True to his name, Fearless stepped up to the plate, and sampled it without missing a beat. His eyes grew wide, and he chewed a bit more, a smile coming to his face.

"I had had my doubts, having suffered the multitude of Daily Specials foisted upon me in the past," he intoned. "But this time, I have sampled perhaps the best cheesecake to pass through those kitchen doors."

"Groovy!" applauded the Oozelfinches.

"Kiwi! Kiwi kiwi!"

While the assembled LNHers munched on the new cheesecake, none of them noticed Fred's voice coming over the PA system, alerting them to a hostile intruder in the building.

Minutes later, Fred walked through the door of the cafeteria, and headed straight for the new cheesecake, artfully avoiding coming into contact with Ultimate Ninja, who was still berating CE Lad over his behaviour.

Stacy felt out of place in a large gathering, such as this. Excusing herself, she headed toward the cafeteria doors, intent on getting some air, when she bumped into Fred. Maybe it was just her eyes, but he seemed to grow fuzzy about the edges for a slight moment.

"Sorry, Fred. I think all these people are making me jumpy."

"Not as sorry as you're gonna be!"

CAPTAIN CAPITALIZE and the Incredible Man-With-No-Life turned around just in time to see Fred pull a gun on Skunk Girl.

"Let's move," IMWNL whispered to his loud-mouthed friend. "And keep it quiet."

"RIGHT!"

At the same time, Master Blaster, Deductive Logic Man, Bad Timing Boy, Captain Continuity, Shake-N-Bake Lass, and the Living Monotone all noticed the gun as well.

"joy," Living Monotone monotoned. "he has a gun."

While DLM tried to keep Master Blaster from drawing his Multiphase Plasma Rifle, the others approached Fred and Skunk Girl.

"DROP THE GUN!"

Startled, Master Blaster dropped his weapon, just as Shake-N-Bake Lass, Skunk Girl, Incredible Man-With-No-Life, CAPTAIN CAPITALIZE, and the Great Oozelfinch all leapt to grab the gun from Fred. A single shot was fired, and someone hit the light switch.

Easily Discovered Man turned the lights back on. Fred was nowhere to be seen, and the Living Monotone was on the floor, bleeding profusely from his forehead.

"ouch," he gasped, his life slipping out of him. Behind him, Cannon Fodder fell over, the bullet having passed through the Monotone and into his chest.

"Not again," everyone groaned.

"That guy's gotta win a lot of games of Twister with Death," California Kid commented, carrying CF over to one of the tables.

Ultimate Ninja wandered over to where the net.heroes still holding the gun stood.

"Who fired that shot?" UN demanded.

"Uh, Fred did," IMWNL replied. The net.heroes released their hold on the gun, and it dropped to the floor.

"I'll believe that when we get some fingerprints," UN stated. "Until we do, all five of you are to be held in the Detention Block." He grabbed the Great Oozelfinch by the neck. "And NO Atomic Yodels."

"Halt your disparaging incriminations of my most esteemed amnd exalted person! I am the grand-high magnificience of Finchdom! Continue more to make such caustic accusations, and the Oozelfinches go to WAR!"

"Great. Now we've got a diplomatic problem, too," moaned Politically Correct Person.

"Yeah, dude. We'll, like, never be able to get past the thirteenth sub-basement."

Ultimate Ninja scowled at California Kid. "What?!"

"They've, like... well, y'know, dude, the, like, entire flock has, like, totally annexed the sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-...."

"We get the idea," UN muttered, not willing to hear all thirteen subs.

"What about us," Skunk Girl purred, leaning in close to UN. "Surely you don't want to put us all in the Detention Block." She fluttered her eyes at him.

"Take them away," UN stated.

"AND DON'T CALL HIM 'SHIRLEY'," CAPTAIN CAPITALIZE bellowed, as he was led off.

"Thanks for the use of your identity, pal," the intruder smirked, undoing Fred's bonds. Sitting him upright in his chair, "Fred" put a pencil in Fred's limp hand, and went out the door to the street.